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Word Gems
Personal Statement #33 Love In The AfterLife
September 12, 2009
If men and women
I have mentioned Norma (P.S. #25) to you. Sharon is another good friend, one with psychic abilities. Both of these women serve as Spiritualist ministers, but in different churches. Sharon and I frequently discuss various aspects of the AfterLife and the so-called paranormal. Recently, the zodiac was on her mind, and she shared some thoughts with me.
Sharon analyzed the signs which correspond to the birthdates of her children. I suggest that we review her analysis, and then I would like to make some general comments about Twin Soul love. "My February 26th PISCES daughter married a July 17th CANCER... both are very talented artists." The following is generic internet information about Pisces and Cancer, to which Sharon's personal comments (below) relate.
I've not met Sharon's children, but this general information I found to be intriguing as I noted many points of coincidence regarding friends of mine born under these zodiac signs. Sharon offered her own analysis...
"The sign for PISCES is two fish swimming, in opposite directions... the term 'don't know if I'm coming or going' is a good description of PISCES, as they can easily get caught up in the current of energies around them. They like feeling charged up for awhile, but need to get reacquainted with themselves if the current DRAMA goes on too long... and THEY alone determine how long is too long. This can make Cancer feel left out and left alone (the bases are loaded, and it's up to CANCER to bring them all home!) "She, the Fish, is highly emotional.... easily irritated by slowness or moderation in their companions... translation...a tendancy to be Drama Queens with (if negatively expressed) can border on (or be flavored with) a narcissistic need to be right and/or first in most/all situations. If things have been too quiet (predictable) for too long... PISCES is not above fabricating (albeit, unconsciously) some drama just to make sure the sap is still up. In a creative person, this could fuel the angst, which so often is the doorway to inspiration for creation; which can be an important mode of expression for PISCES. "The sign for CANCER is the CRAB... crusty exterior makes CANCER seem smooth and impenetrable on the surface, and only those who care (or dare) to look beyond appearances see the Crab's soft underside (vulnerability). Crabs walk sideways... meaning, that CANCER will approach a situation cautiously (with a side-long glance, so to speak), instead of 'rearing up.' Cancer WILL NOT (unless absolutely, unequivocally forced to) show anyone his soft underbelly (vulnerabilities). That would be pure suicide! 'How can I live if my guts get ripped out?' That's how intensely CANCER experiences refusal, and how cautiously CANCER proceeds in emotional arenas. Oh my, those human fleshly foibles; they either get in the way, or they are the way. And it all depends on the current drama... when it's good, its VERY good, but when its bad, its HORRID! "TOGETHER... both being water signs, they already have much in common. Both are sensitive and highly emotional, which sets the stage for a highly charged and intense connection. Fish are never still so a PISCES can be expected to be always very BUSY. Crabs, less so, as sideways movement for a Crab doesn't have the flowing ease of gliding through water. Hence, the PISCES frustration with the slow-moving, side-stepping Crab ('for God's sake, can't you just say what you mean!')... AGGHHHH! and the Crab takes a direct hit, and becomes very silent, and very still. While the Fish swims away until a more opportune time presents itself, ('oh, he'll be alright, he's got that crusty shell you know'). For the Fish, there must be this swimming together, or swimming apart. They just cannot stay in one place (that, for PISCES, is suicide). "The trick for PISCES/CANCER is to know each other so well that they can basically be in the same place at the same time long enough to build a stable, lasting connection. It's as though the Fish might say to the Crab, 'My, but don't those grasping claws and stiff legs slow you down? Watch how easily I slip and slide along.' The Fish is almost teasing the Crab. The Crab, being who he is, definitely admires the beauty in the fluid movement of the Fish, and may silently long to duplicate that. But then the Crab, after a period of bedazzlement, will wonder, 'That's nice, but what else have you got? How will you ever grasp anything??? And that slipping and sliding thing you do - how are you going to feel about that when you slip and slide right into a shark's mouth? There's a reason why sharks don't eat many Crabs,' he boasts in a moment of bravado... 'we tend to lay low and look before we leap!' (errrr, uhhh, 'I mean creep,' he says, blushing). And the Fish, drawn in by the Crab's show of 'sense and sensitivity' (facade of naivety, that compels the woman to make the first step), is compelled to hover with the Crab for a time. "Not assertive in love... The nature of the Fish is darting movement (sometimes toward, sometimes away) something only they know. Think about it... if you want a Fish, you've got to trap it, snare it in a net, or catch it on a hook. All are indicative of action, something you have to do on purpose. That's the way it is in the world of a Fish. I'm guessing that if a Crab needs to eat a small fish, he nestles down in the sand and watches for one to swim close enough for the catch (almost implying permission) and then SLURP! AHHH! that was great, think I'll go to sleep now. In the world of the Fish, it is not pursued for grins and giggles. A Fish is pursued by an entity with a purpose; that is, to catch/trap/ensnare the Fish. The Crab must, therefore, be receptive when the Fish is swimming Toward and then pursue when the Fish is swimming Away From. The highly refined intuition of the Crab will tell him when/if/how. To pursue or not to pursue... THAT is (most assuredly) the question. Luckily, for the Crab, not every retreat is an invitation to pursue, or even to follow. NO just means NO, not right now, while the wounded Crab is desolate in thinking/feeling that NO means NEVER, NEVER, NEVER again! Over time, the Fish and the Crab will learn each other's signals... and the dance goes on. "We've been talking metaphorically about Crabs and Fish, but, just as with people, it's all about the dance, and knowing/sensing when to lead and when to follow; and for God's sake it's not a macho thing: He-Man in front with the Little-Woman two paces behind. A writer must write and a painter must paint... each must be true to themselves with the time and space to grow and express that truth. The space one wants/needs/takes for himself or herself automatically opens up that space for the other..."
That music used to
make me smile: Really? And just how deep is that desire to find him? Can you pay the price?
Do you really know what you're saying? As Carl Sagan once said, "Do ya wanna take a ride?"
Those whom the gods would destroy are encouraged to find their Twin Souls! Our friend the Crab, according to those who study these things, is "afraid of refusal, more than all other [zodiac] marks summarized together!" Do you know what this means, Marty? When she, that colorful and airy little Fish, darts from him, he not only is pained by her absence, in an ordinary way, but is terrorized, to the depths, that he has lost her forever. His traumatic reaction to her departure, the loss of her, is greater than such discomfiture, in similar situations, of all the other signs put together. We have been speaking of Sharon's daughter and son-in-law. But I have unartfully changed the focus now to Twin Soul lovers. Yes, it is true, Crabs suffer a predisposition to grieving their darting, and lost, Fish-lovers, but... We know from Steve Gunn's testimony (P.S. #28, 32) that most Twin Souls must endure a prolonged time of separation before coming together... a time of Inner Purging By Fire ... and, whether you are a Crab or not, if you are a Twin Soul entering final phase, you will suffer, in a private hell of aloneness and grief, for that absent Fish... a terrible suffering, probably lasting many years... during which you shall forge new nightmare-definitions of the meaning of pain and misery. Are you still ready to find your Twin? "Do ya wanna take a ride?"
We have discussed this before. But, as Sharon was speaking of these things, I came to see another aspect of this process.
Your favorite writer offered these latter words regarding freedom in Prayer To Soulmate Unseen (P.S. #25)... a sentiment of lovers who wish to surrender themselves to each other. I have also stated that Twin Souls, those mature enough to come together, will have moved beyond "debits-and-credits" to "I just want you" (P.S. #26), as they, without reservation, accept each other; and, as required, forgive each other. "I just want you" means "You are more important to me than anything else in life!" But when I heard Sharon's instruction, it occurred to me that the attitudes of the Fish and the Crab, in their natural immature state, are definitely not those of Twin Souls in final-phase. These two have a lot to learn yet. They have no idea.
It's a personal thing, isn't it?
A long, long time ago... Well,
I know that you're in love with him I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck My hands were clenched
in fists of rage... My
hands were clenched in fists of rage... I met a girl who sang the
blues
These two haven't even begun to change, to surrender, to each other; to enter an awareness of "I just want you!" Each of them is still too blinded by the selfish demands of the Ego, who ever cries... me, mine, and I... each thought invested with an unseemly sense of self! But that's ok. We all start somewhere. And Life knows how to deal with this, and has a way of teaching lessons, of preparing Two Destined Ones... in spite of themselves. Look at what Steve said, one more time:
Allow me to translate this for you. It's a message that applies not just to Crabs and Fish, but to all.
I'd like to make this more clear. Here's how it might play out between the Fish and the Crab.
Let's suppose you're the Crab. Listen up, the Universe is speaking to you now: What's that you say? You say that you want to be with your Twin Soul? Do ya wanna go for a ride? Life takes you at your word and begins to prepare you... but not in a manner that you might have hoped for. The Crab, as if to reference the punch line of an old joke, might soon be pleading, "Is there anybody else Up There?" mmmmm.... I see that your record, shall we say, is a bit checkered... In times past, your insensitivity cut her off, made her feel second-best! made her feel rejected! Do you remember the time that Delicate One came to you, tried to pour out her little Fish-heart to you? and all you did was retreat into that fortress of yours... you never even talked to her, you didn't even try. Was that nice? She opened her heart, wide open, and the best response you could offer resembled the fervency of a dead mackerel - and the next time you saw her you acted as if nothing had happened! as if she had never revealed her truest heart to you! hey, buddy, you really do deserve a special award! the most beautiful Girl-Fish in the world came to you... to you! and you were out to lunch! Do you know how that made her feel? No, of course, you don't, that's your problem, isn't it... but you have other problems, too, let us count the ways...
She felt so rejected - even humiliated - she trusted you with her heart's deepest secret, she came to tell you that she loved you... and you ignored her... and, in your hiding, in your self-absorption, in your fortress-mentality, you drug-numbed yourself, glazed-over your own eyes, and blocked her from mental view. Well, you know... the Doctor is in just now, has designed the perfect little antidote to help you wake up... works so well... take one of these every hour, you'll feel better in the morning... You like holding-up in that fortress, do you? You like getting alone by yourself, you say? And, what's that? you thought that the darting Little Fish would always be around anyway? Well... when you finally come out of that secluded castle of yours, you'll find the little Princess-Fish to be gone... not just gone for awhile... but quite gone!
But that's ok, right? you do like your solitude, right? you know, thinking your own thoughts, pondering mysteries in the dark, all that jazz... well, ponder this... just to make you happy, we thought we'd arrange for you several decades of privacy... a private aloneness to satisfy the tastes of the most discriminating of hermit Crabs... a seclusion allowing you to contemplate the terror of living life... without her... We knew you wouldn't mind. You do like your privacy, don't you? You'll finally have it in spades, far from that Pesky and Sassy Little Distraction... yes, you know her... that one, The One, who risked heart and dignity, the one who loved you... Dear Crusty Friend, though you might tread upon a thousand beaches, for a thousand years, on a thousand worlds, you will never, ever replace the fervency of heart - fervency just for you! - that you were blessed to know on that day... yes, it is she, that one who died when you left, when you offered not a single response... Well, it's all good news, is it not, got the pond all to yourself now... We think it best for your development to have this Freedom. She's gone now. Isn't it great to be so free... no need, anymore, even to turn away from, and ignore, that pensive visage... those longing eyes... eyes that yearned for you... it is what you wanted, isn't it?
I was a lonely
teenage broncin' buck, And the Crab, for the first time in its fortified and sorry existence, will understand, up close, the meaning of true aloneness... the pain of aloneness... the terror of aloneness... without her... having become utterly lost to her... We all remember that soft underbelly of his - well, he will get a soft underbelly-full of what existence, without her, really means... he will come to know it so well... and every day, without her, he will be tempted to curse himself for his blindness, his insensitivity, his self-absorption, his fortress-mentality, his arrogance, aloofness, and selfishness... every single day... of his incomplete so-called life, without her! And what about that little cutie-pie Fish? Well, she is advised not to feel too confident just yet, as she has a little homework from us, too. Yes, it's very true, her stolid friend, the Crab, did place "honorable mention" in the Neanderthal Contest, a strong contender, might go to state next time. And you're right, he really does need to work on his feminine side. But, for you, my Dear, if you intend to be ready to meet him as a full partnr in that One Person spiritual entity, Life has some special things for you, just for you, to think about, too... to think about for a long time... If you don't mind our saying so, your situation is a little more serious than that of your Sleepy-Eyed Friend! Why do we say that? my Dear, don't you know? there's a reason why Heaven has offered to you, not to him, certain terms of honor... more is expected of you... but, we'll get to that. When once you darted to him - you know what we're talking about - he didn't know what to say. Dear, you so shocked him, he wasn't ready! In terms of development, he was a layer, or two, of consciousness behind you! Look at your Cute Fish-Self, you were so light and airy, so free and agile... and he was so... well, Crab-like... but he was very young, Dear, and you were so ahead of him, with your soaring social IQ; yes, of course, he was a true and legendary credit to his gender, but his Essential Immature Crabness got the best of him... Dear, you so out-classed him at that point, and you sent his Shell-Self spinning... he was still only just a Crab-Boy, reading comics; was disoriented, tongue-tied, unable to speak to a Pretty Girl-Fish; most especially, to one who wanted to discuss some very intimate things. Dear, allow us to speak frankly to you - we ourselves would not have been so bold as you were that day; such candidness, on your part, is proof positive that he was a special friend to you; and proof presumptive that you were head-over-fins in love with him... isn't that right, Pretty Little Girl...
Well,
I know that you're in love with him: But, you, Dear Fishie, became a little angry with him, didn't you? and you darted off, without looking back, and immersed yourself in an array of distracting activities. Later, at that school dance, you wouldn't even look at him, you were a cold dead-fish in his hands, and you just walked away from him, didn't say a word.
There are strategic junctures in life, times when one's cosmic course might go either way; seemingly innocuous, non-event moments, which, in fact, dictate a far-reaching destiny - Dear, this was one of those for you! You had no idea regarding the downward spiralling chain-of-events that would now, at runaway speed, inexorably unfold. It is true, you neither intended, nor foresaw, any of this; but, nevertheless, this interaction, or the lack of it, between you Two, served as proximate cause to much of the later sorrow in both of your lives. It would have been so easy for you, at that critical moment, to make stupid small-talk, to say anything, even just to smile at him, to draw him out, to help him feel normal, to help him feel... that it would be ok to try again... Dear, even a momentary sustained look into his eyes, a stolen 3-second glance, even without words, might have done it... but you, still angry, acted like he was a complete stranger.
When you made no pretense to your estrangement from your hapless young Friend... do you know what that did to him? Dear, we're certain that you did not, but, it so terrified him, as it confirmed his most dreaded fear, that he had forever lost you... and it drove him so deeply into that steel-door fortress of his, where his traumatized Crab-Self mumbled, in the darkness, that he, now hardly alive, might never come out... Dear, study his later school photos... he almost never smiled, always seemed burdened... about something... Dear, don't you know, couldn't you perceive, even then, if you had allowed yourself entrance into those eyes, that Deepest Part of Him, that you would have found yourself, suddenly discovered yourself, to be quite deliciously... at Home! ... at Home Alone, with him!
As the flames
climbed high into the night: Dear Little Fishie, if you understand nothing else about him, understand this: you meant so much to him - always and forever will - that the terror of losing you made him "not himself" for a very long while, many years... Little Pisces, as we began to say, there's a reason why Heaven has offered to you, not to him, certain terms of honor; according to the nature of the case, you are "the better half," you are "his life," you are the "goddess," you are to be "adored and worshipped," you are the "transforming fire," you are the "provocative energy" - and, without you, as God said, "he shall die, he shall surely die" (P.S. #37) ... Dear, don't you know, didn't you perceive even then, that he needed you, especially, at that early stage, even more than you needed him; which fervent desire, at times, as you well understand, quite overwhelmed you... Just look at you, look at
yourself, Dear Little Fish... you are Petite Glory Personified;
splendiferous, replete and adorned, in every way, with artful and
delicate pulchritude; poetry-in-motion, that well-shaped
shapeliness, that timeless classic allure, the delight and talk of
the gods, the focus of The Glowing Deep Purple; with magical eyes
that could sink ships, a seducing smile that might part the great
waters, a cooing melodic voice more hypnotic than any Siren's song;
you are the living definition of ever-undefined
Feminine Loveliness, full of grace, elegance unbounded,
sophisticated but venus-in-blue-jeans; the unfinished symphony, the
subject of every love song, the spiced red wine in a handcrafted
crystal goblet; all hail to you, the eternal beatific vision, before
which he stands - albeit, with jello-knees - immobilized;
early-morning birds serenade the glowing magenta dawn, and think of
you; gardens, acres, forests, of flowers, at your passing, must bow,
bend the neck, in abject obeisance before you, their glorious
archetypal image, your resplendent Pisces-Radiance of body and soul!
shimmering, glistening, sparkling! and, in your Dazzling Presence,
the moon hides its face, the stars dare not shine! ... You are the
most beautiful Girl-Fish in all seven seas... but, Dear... don't you
know, don't you know, did you not perceive even then... none of this
wondrous external merit is why he loves you so... don't you know, he
loved you even at 9-years-old, with your freckles, peddle-pushers,
and a bad haircut, when you rode seahorses together... long before
your apotheosis, your transformation into Goddess-Fish... Dear, do
you not understand why he loves you?... in any case, for the moment,
look at him! back then, he was only a funny-looking, side-stepping,
immature Crab! who couldn't even string together two coherent words
to respond to a Pretty Girl-Fish! and, Dear... he felt the consuming
hurt, the searing terror and trauma, of your rejection, more deeply,
than would all the other zodiac signs
combined!
Well, Dear Fishie, don't take all of this too personally, it's all for a good end and both of you will be better soon; but, be that as it may, for now, we have an elixir for you, too... will cure what ailes you... has never failed a body, will fix you right up... We all know you like to be so busy, all Fishies do... we know what's so important to you... Freedom to dart about is sacred to you... you never stop moving, you never slow down, you pride yourself in this... always here and always there... doing this and doing that... well, we thought you'd do well to experience most of a lifetime... without him! ... without that annoying Crab getting in your way... we want you to be utterly free, free to the max, so you won't see him, for a very long time ... that lumbering guy... you know, the one who loved you so...
The man said the music wouldn't play:
My hands were clenched in fists of rage: This'll be the day
that I die
Yes, several decades of being fancy-free to flit here and flit there, to fill your time with all manner of darting busy-ness... of darting about to your little Fish-heart's content... darting, ever darting... until... you begin to loathe even the thought of darting... until you loathe inveterate busy-ness... until you loathe life, itself... without him! ... as you contemplate a barren wasteland, a sterile existence, without that nuisance of a Crab, your slow-developing and encumbered Friend... the one who had so much trouble speaking back then... to you... couldn't get the words out... yes, those words, the words about having been in love with you... all of his life... We think it best for your development to have this Freedom. He's gone now. Isn't it great to be so free... no need, anymore, even to turn away from, and ignore, that pensive visage... those longing eyes... eyes that yearned for you... it is what you wanted, isn't it? Yes, both of our friends got what they wanted. That's how hell, in the better neighborhoods, works these days... Satan laughing, with delight.
I am thinking of our two friends, the Crab and the Fish. After many years of suffering the loss of each other, a lesson-plan designed for their spiritual benefit by the Universe itself, we can know, with assurance, that each of them will do nothing but cherish the other's presence. Their self-inflicted sufferings, however, provide their own remedy, the Perfect Aversion Therapy. In this context, I thought of the biblical image of the Prodigal Son. I have not recently read this story, but, just now, I recall something from my studies of decades ago; something hidden in the original Greek, unmanifested in the modern translations. The son is returning home. As the text poignantly puts it, he has "come to himself"; there is an internal integration of spirit and purpose - he no longer works against himself. And as he journeys toward his father's estate, he thinks of the things that he wants to say to his Dad; that he would be willing to be even just a hired servant; that he was wrong to do what he did; that he does not expect much now... You might say, he is mentally preparing a speech. The father, waiting and hoping for his son's return, is scanning the horizon; has done so since the boy left. Finally, after so long a time, the father recognizes, in the distance, a familiar form approaching. He does not wait for the son to arrive but runs to meet him on the way. Most of us will remember the very moving scene of the father throwing his arms around the son, kissing him. But, immediately, the son launches into his prepared speech of all the things that he wants to his father to know; mainly, that he is sorry for what he has done. At this point, the original Greek indicates something hidden in the English translations. The father abruptly interrupts the son's speech... hardly lets him get a sentence or two out... he will hear none of it... and all he wants to do is express how glad he is to have his son home.
And I was thinking of this biblical image in relation to our two zodiac friends... each emotionally cauterized, traumatized, by decades of suffering, grieving, for the other; of missing each other; of sleepless nights, and, often, weeping by day. And when the time comes for them to finally see each other again, they, each a prodigal to the other, like the returning son, will have but one thing burning upon his or her mind in offering to the other... I am so sorry for what I did... and did not do... please forgive me...
This is the prepared text, the speech, that has been in development for so many years... endlessly rehearsed, endlessly looping in the mind, before faceless shadows on the midnight wall, in lonely tearful rooms... for so long... And, if each has gone through the process of Inner Egoic Purging By Fire; if each has completed the assigned homework; there will no longer be any sting of bitterness toward the other...
Until this level of compassion and forgiveness is reached, by each of them, they will not be able to properly come together... the Ego will keep them apart, in mutual antipathy and unforgiveness!
Until they, each of them, like the Prodigal's father, begin to cover, with mercy, the sordid mistakes of the past; until each wants nothing of the other's self-deprecation; until each lives and breathes forgiveness only; until each desires but to interrupt, and stifle, the other's words of repentance with kisses of total acceptance... they will not be ready to come together!
And in this spirit of each offering healing to the other, it is easy to imagine, each of them, simply assuring the other that speeches of remorse are not necessary... because... Oh! Darling, please believe me, I just want you!
Even so, the pain of decades will desire to say a few words, at least. And I think the Stolid Crab will speak first... first, because he once said so little... "I was selfish. I thought only of my own feelings. I thought I wanted fortress-solitude... well, I got my solitude... and, when I lost you, I found out what was most important... and now I want you to know that I just want you! and will never leave you again." She, too, the Darting Pretty Fish, will be moved to offer similar words; that, after a nightmare-world of aimless darting, without him, she will never be apart from him again.
Finally, as each begins to enjoy a measure of wholeness and healing, which might take some considerable time; as each enjoys the thrill, and sense of security, of knowing that each is the Dearest Beloved of the other... some new gifts will present themselves in this marriage.
A Crab Goes To A Party There is a special license enjoyed among those who have known each other for 80 or 90 years; friends, having grown up, and lived, an entire lifetime, under a caring but watchful mutual scrutiny, who would come to know all that might be externally known about each other. In July, during my visit to the old village, my Sunday-Afternoon Mom arranged, for my benefit, a coffee-party to which were invited several of my childhood community "mothers." These Grand Ladies, the daughters, and granddaughters, of the original and legendary European pioneers of ND, did not grow up among placid personalities. And these true daughters of their parents exhibit no hint of walter-mitty tendencies. In their presence, even as they play, you would be well-advised to keep your wits lest you be jostled a bit. Well... they remember just now that I was well-schooled by the same masters, so we are evenly matched... [smile]. And they communicate to me, by their warm spirits, that they are glad to see me, after long hiatus. My Sunday-Afternoon Mom, with a tone of formality in her voice, suggests that I take the "seat at the head of the table," by the windows. I can refuse her nothing and do as I am told. She is positioned at the opposite end, with the others filling in the spaces. These friends, among whom there are no secrets, do not need a warm-up to social interaction, and the room now is immediately aglow with passionate conversation; some of it gossip; some of it prejudice; or half-baked ideas; but some things said are very wise... the speakers, almost radioactive, project a sense of authentic humanity. Amidst this cacophony, somewhat regularly, and almost apologetically, someone lifts her head about the din and shouts to me, "I'll bet you haven't heard anything like this in awhile!" They are correct, I have not. And they are making me laugh as I observe their antics. It is a remarkable experience. As I see all of them here, my mind features movies of my life, with all of us playing major roles. These mothers were influential to me, and I remember playing with their children. Stories now begin to flood my thoughts. I decide that it's time for me to "take the microphone" and entertain them with one of these memories. I do so and address Theresa:
I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck... with no carnation, but a pickup truck "Theresa, I'm starting to laugh as I think of a story about Yvonne and me. We were sitting in high school science class. It was a few days before the prom. And I say to myself, 'hey, maybe I should ask someone to the prom!' So, I look around, and I see Yvonne next to me, and I'm thinking, 'Yvonne is a good friend, I'll ask her.' So I do. But I'll always remember what happened next. She sits there, and looks at me, with this look of puzzlement and maybe even pity for me. She politely explains the facts of life that most dates for the prom had been arranged months before... and I can see in her expression that she means to say, 'And you think that you can just scoot in here a day before the prom, and that's all there is to it?' Well, why not? I thought. But I had to admit, I was shocked to learn of the premeditated malice aforethought, that some guys were so organized about these things that they had planned for a date many months before! This mystified me, and suddenly I realized just how out of the social scene I really was. I was not active in the dating world then... but preoccupied with other things... dating would come later for me." I then glance at Frances and add a footnote to my story that involved Tim. "Frances, it's sort of funny, but in a way I did go to the prom. I remember Tim and I that evening, quietly slipping into the gym, making our way to the high bleachers where it was dark. And, up there, in the shadows, we watch the couples milling about below." I decide to make a joke about this and finish with... "You know, Frances, I'm getting really tired of taking Tim to the prom!" Well, this was red-meat to the rabid crowd, and they guffawed at this and hurled several suggestive comments back at me. And now I suddenly realize that they are seeing me in a new light... they have never met this new, now-grown, once-farmboy. My Sunday-Afternoon Mom, infected by this collective sense of meeting me "for the first time," her voice suddenly exhibiting a tone of wonder and enlightenment, seems to gasp as she interrupts the group to offer words, ones delivered staccato-like, heavily punctuated, with individual emphasis..."You are just like" one of her children, whom she names. With deep affection, she had earlier confessed to me that I was like a true son to her; that she "had two sons now"; that she wished I could have lived in her house during the years of my troubled teens. How remarkable! I am profoundly moved by her profession of heartfelt motherly affection - and I secretly marvel to myself that it would be so late in my life before I would discover this significant bond between not only Felix (P.S. #20) and myself, but with this fine lady, too! And, in our private visitings, when I now sit across the small kitchen table from her, I intuitively sense that we are more to each other than merely those who had once lived on adjacent farms. Life can be very strange, and it might take many years to realize who the major players in the cast of one's life truly are! Certain persons, of vital importance, in this life and the next, might remain hidden, in broad daylight, for a very long time. I seriously need to upgrade this lady's status to the next pay-grade beyond Sunday-Afternoon Mom! Coffee-parties are not normally billed as prelude to mystical encounter. But those whose lives are tightly bound by blood, friendship, common experience, and affection, can sometimes help each other to see certain things, not only about the group, or another, but... themselves (P.S. #32).
As the terror of past decades of loss begins to heal and fade somewhat, the Crab realizes something... His Soul Twin, the Fish, while always happy to be with him, seems to be missing a certain characteristic spark... true to her word, she no longer darts about anymore... and he now sees that there was something about that early darting of her's, a poetry in motion, that he fell in love with... He misses that creative peskiness... and now he begins to understand clearly... her personality is what it is... she is Pisces... she was made to dart about... it is her nature to do so... and part of her is becoming sad having been kept from the natural expression of her own soul. The Crab speaks first...
"Darling, you have graciously offered, and surrendered, to me the most precious thing that you own... your own definition of Freedom. My Love, I am now understanding that it was altogether wrong for me to allow you to give such a gift. We presently are, and will always be, One Person ... but we are also individual Souls... and you need to have time and freedom for your own activities... Pisces are artists with free spirits. You need to be free, to express yourself, as you desire. You need to do what Pisces do, and go where you want to go. We are no longer troubled as we once were. And I am not afraid anymore to see you dart about... because, Dear... I now know that you will not go far away, and that you will always come back to me."
Pisces answers...
"Dear Friend, I have been so happy to be with you again... words cannot express how happy... And I still feel the deep hurts of the past, and shall not feel 'normal,' for awhile yet. But, as you speak just now, I realize that you are quite correct; and, if it were possible, your concern for me makes me love you even more. I will do as you suggest, as I now see that each of us must also be true to oneself. But I must also say something to you - you, Mr. Fortress of Solitude - that I, too, will no longer be offended when you need to retreat, and think your own thoughts, alone, for awhile. Our initial temptation toward restriction was a very natural reaction to our many sorrows, our mutual loss, for so many years. But, I agree with you, Dear, we are different now, and I feel, and know, in my own heart, that we shall never go back to those old dark ways of anger and self-centeredness... One more thing... this time, when I dart, I intend to often take you with me... and, sometimes, you will need to invite me into that Fortress of yours... I sort of like the idea of you and I alone together in a locked-down Compound... anyway, Dear, when I'm with you, in your own space, it is my solemn intention, and fair warning to you, that you should get absolutely no work done at all [smile]."
My friend Adrian recently brought to my attention the words of the poet Rilke who wrote that the ideal relationship is one in which two partners guard and protect each other's privacy and solitude. How very wise. When I first read those words I did not grasp enough of Rilke's meaning. But, after thinking about Sharon's writing concerning Pisces and Cancer, I began to see more. This idea of allowing a lover to be free is also expressed, but in a different way, in an Indian holy document. The Kama Sutra is an ancient Sanskrit text offering instruction on sexual practice and romantic love. Kama means sensual; and Sutra means a thread, something that holds things together; metaphorically, a rule; in this case, a collection of rules on sensual love. There is a famous saying from the Kama Sutra. It speaks of one of the most potent admonitions that might keep erotic love alive, even, for "one hundred years." Allow me to offer an excerpt from one of my unpublished works, part of a fictional conversation between two would-be lovers who discuss the meaning of romantic love. She speaks to him of the Kama Sutra...
If men and
women
Even such brief explanation of this ancient text sends one reeling. And now we are all doubting that even 100 years will be enough time for this kind of love... [smile]
I am reminded just now of a comment from one of the AfterLife testimonies regarding Summerland (P.S. #7).
Each person defines freedom, love, and happiness in a particular way. And you will not feel satisfied until you enjoy the fulfillment of your own particular definitions of these wonders. All of this reflects your uniqueness, what the Buddha called your "suchness," which is the special glory of your own individualized Soul. And whether you and your Twin Soul are living in the Real World of Summerland, or still reside in our World of Illusion, each of you, if you are wise, must offer to the other the freedom to be what one is; the freedom to satisfy that particular need of happiness. This is the message of Rilke and the ancient Kama Sutra... a powerful other-centered concept that strikes at the heart of our Cosmic Uniqueness and Sacredness.
In P.S. #25 I quoted the somewhat-embittered psychic lady who insisted that Twin Soul love is not about all "that lovey-dovey stuff"! Well, you know, as I reluctantly said, she was right in many ways. Twin Soul love is more than splendor in the grass, more than a roll in the hay... It includes all that, to be sure, but Twin Soul romance is also a profound spiritual journey leading to greater levels of awareness and consciousness. Before the Two of you get to roll in the hay, you're going to have roll in the dirt... maybe, for a long time... roll in that dirt... alone... as you face the epicenter of evil, the incorrigible Ego, lurking in one's own heart. And you will agree to endure this hellish process... first, to satisfy the promptings of your own Soul... but, maybe primarily, to prepare yourself to become One Person... with her... your Destined Cosmic Lover. But, even when you've grown sufficiently to be with her... which is no small achievement... you will have only barely begun your journey of personal growth. There is a term, tantric sex. You might know what sex means, but tantric, a Sanskrit word, refers to learning from, and aligning oneself with, the sacred purposes of the Universe. The Delicious Program of Spiritual Growth that Divinity has designed for us seems to revolve around the romantic love of Twin Souls. And as the two of you interact, work, serve, love, and enjoy each other during the coming aeons, that uniquely-calibrated and harmonic soul-energy, which only the Two of you can know, will propel both of you, together, on toward ever higher levels of spiritual growth, awareness, and perfection.
The above words should have ended this writing. But I received a comment from a reader that I would like to address. She asked me, and I paraphrase... "I thought I knew who my Twin Soul is. But after reading your thoughts on this subject, I am less sure. Maybe he is only a soulmate." And I think I understand the unspoken fear, which might be this... "I love this person. But what if he is not my ultimate Twin Soul? What if he is only a soulmate? Does this mean that I might not be able to love him in Summerland?" First of all, please review the evidence for, and the nature of, Summerland in P.S. #3, #7 and #20. But, beyond this, I have something to add.
In the letters of the Apostle Paul, he sometimes makes the comment (in my own words)... "I can give you no chapter-and-verse support from the Old Testament for what I am about to say, but... I think I have the Spirit (the Consciousness) of God, and therefore, I will tell you what I think..." And, in that Spirit, I will venture the same for you now. Your growth and development as a Soul is all about choice. And what you do in Summerland is all about choice. We know, from large numbers of AfterLife testimonies, that if you want to walk on a beach for a thousand years, or sit in a rocking chair, or study music and painting... then you will do that... and no one will stop you. It's like our friends, the Fish and the Crab... you wanna dart? ... you wanna hide in that fortress? ... then you shall do so... until you cannot stomach any of it any longer. This is perfect Aversion Therapy. It's a beautiful system, really, because, throughout the process, your own choices rule. And, in that volition, your dignity as a Soul, one made in the image of God, is maintained. You - your True Essential Self - according to the Universe and Victor Frankl (P.S. #28), are never anyone's victim. For better or worse, you decide, you control your own desitiny.
So, what about this issue of Soulmate or Twin? Let me give you the bottom line, and very quick answer...in a sense, It doesn't matter! If two lovers want to be together, then you shall be together, and no power in the Universe will separate you. Your own choices rule - it's all part of Natural Law - it's how the Universe works. Maybe he's not your Twin Soul... maybe he is. It takes an advanced level of spiritual maturity to finally see that Special Cosmic Person. Maybe you're not there quite yet; maybe you are. You'll find out in due time. But, in the meantime, if you and he love each other, and are compelled to be together, then this means that you have unfinished business together. Things to learn from each other. It means that you Two will require some time, together, in that "sphere of Love" to discover what you need to do. It means that you will want, and need, to explore romantic and erotic love - alone, together - in Summerland... maybe for years, decades, a hundred years or more... that's up to you. Your own Souls will tell you how long that phase needs to last. And, in that arena of choice, you will discover who each of you truly is in relation to the other. Maybe he is your Twin; maybe he's not. Ultimately, it won't matter. Because in that process of loving each other, and making love to each other, your own Souls will finally tell you what's real.
And if you Two come to see that you are not eternally destined, then you will both, in time, sense this, and acknowledge this, and even help each other with the transition. There will be no undue sorrow or regret in any of this. You will simply begin to see what is real. And when that happens, you will witness stirrings, within your deepest Self, that will prompt you to move on... to greater levels of personal development... and also, and eventually, to that Cosmic Destined Partner, who will yet come into view... come into view when you have sufficiently grown as a Person... when you have dethroned the Ego... when you are ready to receive...
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