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What is a man but the sum of his thoughts?

July 4, 2009

Dr. Mortimer Adler, philosopher, historian  “There seems to be no happiness more perfect than that which love confirms. But there is also no misery more profound, no depth of despair greater, than that into which lovers are plunged when they are bereft, disappointed, unrequited."

"No misery more profound, no depth of despair greater"

What is the greatest misery? the most acute depth of despair?

We might think of concentration camp victims, who, in our time, have become the quintessential examples of human suffering.

Let us listen to a survivor of that horror, the words of Dr. Viktor Frankl in his Man's Search For Meaning...

• At one point, he asked his friend to accept his verbal last will and testament: “Listen, Otto, if I don’t get back home to see my wife,” he sorrowed, “and if you should see her again, tell her that I spoke of her, daily, hourly – you remember!” Frankl continued with these expressions of deep longing… for her – they had not been together very much in this life; yet she was ever on his mind. Otto was to tell her that, “I have loved her more than anyone! The short time I have been married to her outweighs everything, even all we have gone through here!”

• "We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road running through the camp. The guards kept shouting at us, driving us with the butts of their rifles..." In the midst of these privations, he thought of someone's image... someone he loved... he spoke to her... "I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look... for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world may still know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when a man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings; in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. I resumed talk with my loved one: I asked her questions, and she answered; she questioned me in return, and I answered." Editor's note: Frankl would discover that his Beloved, at this point, had already been killed in another camp; no doubt, she was with him, comforting, answering him... 

The Grassroots, Midnight Confessions "Staggering through the daytime, Your image on my mind..."

Frankl tells us that such communion with her; his longing for her; sustained him during the long, dark nightmare of Auschwitz.

A lover finds the meaning of life

He wants us to know that despite the horrific sufferings, the beatings, the privations – all that he was required to endure… that such a life, even this one of extremity, was worth living, having known her, even for a short time.

And, if we come to see the essence of Frankl's words, he is telling us that there is something to be dreaded, even more, far more, than the torture of a concentration camp... it is that Ultimate Human Suffering... separation from a Soulmate Lover.
 

"What you have experienced, no power on earth can take from you!"

Frankl, the caring physician and philosopher, once comforted his fellow misérables with the above words. He told them, if life has meaning, then suffering has meaning, too... because life has so much of it.

This good doctor, in the midst of horrors unspeakable, explored Cosmic Meaning in his separation from a Soulmate Lover.

And he found that he would not trade her for anything; that he would endure anything; and that merely to have known her, even for a short time, "outweighs everything, even all we have gone through here!” ... he was not afraid of death, and did not obsessively cling to mortal life... but he came to see the real terror... the real torture... as he explored the meaning of separation... from her!

Finally, face-to-face with what she meant to him, having reduced life to its essential core meaning, he realized that he possessed a "power," a meaning, an insight, one that no one could take from him.

“I have loved her more than anyone!" ... and they could not bludgeon from him this meaning, this vision... of her! He had discovered Cosmic Meaning in Separation from a Soulmate Lover. We learn from him, a distillation of his thoughts:

• "You can only kill my body... and when you do, I shall still have her."

In our discussion here, we shall attempt to see a portion of that which he saw.

"a torture of aching and needing... the pain of separation doesn’t lessen"

Steve Gunn is a British psychic, a counselor, who specializes in helping those suffering the trauma of separation from a soulmate lover.

One of my readers who knows Steve recommended to me his book. I would say that it is the best on the subject... best, because it features empirical research based on hundreds of interviews with those suffering the absence of a Special One.

I once read a psychologist's review of romantic enthrallment. She stated that the brain-based chemical-feast of romance, on average, lasts no more than several months; at the outside, in exceptional cases, 18 months... and then it burns itself out; essentially, never to reappear.

• But soulmate-love is different - it's not about brains intoxicated with aphrodisiac-stimulants. As Norma confirmed, this unique kind of love is powered by a soul energy-link.

It is love unlike any other. In its own way, it might be described as ruthless. It doesn't care if the feelings which it engenders are inconvenient, ill-timed, inappropriate, impropitious... it's after bigger game. This is not about your "choice." It's about your soul's choice.

Just now, I recall a verse from the biblical Song of Solomon, one that I have not seen in many years, and shall not bother to look up, but it says, "Do not stir up love before the time!"

Well, that's good advice, I guess... the problem is... we will not be asked for our permission for this natural force of the universe to enter our lives. And when it invades, like an uninvited military general commandeering a farmhouse...

Let Us Have Peace, 1865, Jean Leon Gerome Ferris

Editor's note: one of the most amazing oddities of history... the farmhouse that could not escape... Ken Burns, The Civil War: "By the summer of 1861 Wilbur McClean had had enough. Two great armies were converging on his farm in what would be the first major battle of the Civil War, Bull Run - or Manasses, as the Confederates called it - would soon rage across the aging Virginian's farm, a Union shell going so far as to explode in the summer kitchen. Now, McClean moved his family away from Manasses, far south and west of Richmond, out of harm's way, he prayed, to a dusty little crossroads called Appomatox Courthouse. And it was there in his living room, 3 1/2 years later, that Lee surrendered to Grant - and Wilbur McClean could rightfully say, The War began in my front yard and ended in my front parlor."

... it will set up its base of operations within one's Being... it won't ask permission... as it summarily announces... "By the way... this is no 18-month gig... we're staying... this is our house now... get used to it!"

Steve Gunn advises us...

• "When someone you have a deep connection with suddenly pulls away, the disconnect leaves you feeling as if your soul has left your body, like an empty shell. You just can’t get back to reality... [this is] not a conventional emotional relationship. A soul connection is the most powerful soul-level connection with someone and when separations like this occur you just can't get over it, or move on, however hard you try... we feel our partner’s grief and confusion and they feel ours... creates a tsunami of pain as the energy flows across our spiritual link and bounces each of us around like two corks on a string... you miss your partner every minute of the day... a torture of aching and needing... the pain of separation doesn’t lessen ... feels as if your heart will burst out of your chest and fly to your true partner... [It] is a relationship beyond anything you will have experienced before. If you fight it, or try to stay apart, the pain, anguish, and confusion, will show you just how special this bond is."

Those last words sound like a threat.

Bonnie Raitt, You I might as well have been dying when we were apart...

I have come to see that the soulmate connection is not a mere pleasant, but extraneous, feature of the evolved life. Finding her, becoming aware of her, is not some arbitrary and externally-bequeathed reward for "being good"; but represents our natural future and natural heritage; a natural fulfillment and natural unfoldment of our expanding soul's maturity.

Soulmate love is meant to teach us... but it more than merely teaches us... it is where we are meant to live... it is our True Home.

Steve comments on his own progression:

• "My journey took me through levels of love and pain that I didn't even realize existed. Many times I didn't want to carry on and, through most of it, I just couldn't understand what was happening or why... As material as we may be, love is a force that can change anything and everything, and it did. It saw me lose my fear, and come to understand myself, the universe and, I believe, the meaning of life."

• "A soulmate connection can only be understood at the soul level, the level of the connection itself, why it happened, what it's meant to achieve, and how it affects both parties... Seeing people in complete despair is a common occurrence for me, but it never gets any easier watching someone fall apart, not least because I've been there... This experience is similar to grieving the death of a loved one... a bereavement."

It feels like a bereavement... like going to a funeral every day... a feeling that a Loved One has been lost... that Two have become lost to each other... "I'm not afraid of dying... but, I am afraid of losing you..."

Savage Garden, Truly, Madly, Deeply "...in the lonely hours, the tears devour you"

• Editor's note: This special soul-connection, like a lab-worker marking bacteria by staining them mercury red, is more easily identified by examining those sensitives with highly-developed "radio receivers." I have already spoken of Norma and her energy-link with Richard. But she is not alone. I have a friend, Kate, a medium, who attends the downtown discussion group (P.S. #20). A few months ago I asked her to tell me more of her story. First of all, let me say, you have have no choice but to take people like Kate seriously... they know things about you... even things such as those in Gordon Lightfoot's song, "I can see her lying back in her satin dress, in a room where you do what you don't confess." You don't have to confess it to Kate - if your Spirit Guides want you to know something, they will get a message to people like Kate, and get your attention, pretty fast... Kate told me a fantastic story, much of which strikes me as plot of a melodramatic Gothic novel; yet, because of other things she knew, I had to take it seriously... when she was a little girl, she lived in a big, run-down, Southern plantation mansion. A long-time-ago owner had planted a mini-forest around the house as his wife was sensitive to light, and so the entire estate was covered in densely-packed tree growth. Later, another owner, in the early 1900s, a surgeon, like a mad Nazi camp doctor, had performed experimental procedures on nearby prison inmates. Kate said that when her father bought the property, they spent days hauling away all of the skeletons!! Some of these inmates, now confused spirits, would come to her! Kate was only 5 years old at this time. But she was learning that she had "abilities," as did her grandmother. Her parents, however, were "religious," and would not hear of such nonsense. There was a sealed-off room on the second floor - it had no visible door. Kate would dematerialize and pass through the walls into that room where she met some sort of Being of Light... a warm and kindly grandfather figure... who taught this girl how to read! Her parents were mystified at little Kate's sudden academic abilities. When alone, Kate would levitate... simply float on air... over the second floor railing, out over and high above the main hall. But one day her mother caught her doing this! Dear old Mom threatened her with the insane asylum if she ever saw any of this "demonism" again! After that, Kate began to "shut down," and buried her abilities, for a long time. But, I wish to speak of the soul energy-link . Kate told me that, some years ago, she lived with a fellow. But before they became a couple, she told him, "I want you to know, once we sleep together, if you ever cheat on me, I will instantly know." He disregarded this warning. One day he came home... she already knew what he had done... the energy-link immediately told her that he was no longer hers.... One last thing. I asked Kate if she'd done any dematerializing since those early days... you know, that kind of thing is always a great conversation opener; fun at parties; always a winner at show-and-tell...  She said she had not, but, with a smile, admitted that she was thinking about it...

Human beings can grow complacent. We are tempted to take the familiar path. We walk the thin line between security and adventure; of desire for growth and fear of the unknown; of pleasure-seeking and pain-avoidance.

But the Universe - Madam Destiny, as Steve refers to her - will not allow us to sleep and remain uncommitted to Life, forever. Soulmate love unleashed will turn us "every which way but loose"; it will come at an inconvenient time; you will not be asked for your opinion, or your vote... and you will say, why didn't you come earlier... they always say that... but, in any case, despite objections, rockets now ignited, soulmate love will boost one into a higher orbit of consciousness ... here you come, ready or not...

• "Many romantic soulmate partners [become aware of each other] when at least one of the partners is already within a committed relationship, although I've yet to find one that was a fulfilling relationship. Most of these existing situations turn out to be in some way co-dependent, and are based on some practical consideration over and above the emotional; i.e., someone is secure or trapped ... [in any case] these connections are made and managed by Madam Destiny in her infinite wisdom, despite what we may want or think; she has many tools at her disposal to make sure we ultimately follow her path to unite... however long that may be."

Linda Ronstadt, Baby You've Been on my Mind "...well, it don't even matter who you awaken with tomorrow, 'cause Baby you've been on my mind... when you wake up in the morning, you know I won't be next to you, you know I won't be near... but I'll just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clear, as someone who has had you on her mind... it might be the crossroads I'm standing at, but, Baby you've been on my mind...

For the fence-sitters of life; for the armchair quarterbacks; for the vicarious participants... soulmate love will rock your world, deliver shock-and-awe, turn it upside down, inside out... and Madam Destiny will not ask your permission to get you more involved in the process of growing into a more Conscious Being ! She will not let you stagnate.

• "It is important to understand that high-level connections like this one are so profound and so deep that they change your very consciousness, your innermost emotions, and even your understanding of who you are. They are all-consuming and utterly transformational, and it's feeling the awesome power of that transformation, and having no choice, no brakes, no control, whatsoever that usually scares the heck out of one of the partners... [will cause one of them to become a] runner... while the more aware soul feels the immense sense of pain and loss ... [she might feel] a panic [commensurate with having]  lost someone... [but] the runner ... is absolutely confused by the power of the [energy] connection ... struggling to understand what's going on... when runners run, they really do run."

Some try to fight the threat of the New Awareness... and they will run... and some will run a long way from Home. But when he runs, if he has that truest of connections, she will travel with him... wherever he goes... he cannot outrace her Light... wherever he goes... she is there. (The next time they travel together, he really needs to offer her better accommodations.)

• Dr. John Welwood: This doctor tells us why runners run: “When a woman expects a man to follow her pace... she triggers one of his greatest fears – feeling inadequate. And this causes him to recoil… When a man sees himself as inadequate, he feels one-down and at risk. The woman looms large and he fears that she is starting to unman him. While she becomes more and more frustrated about not being met, he grows more and more withdrawn."

Some mystics use the term "soulmate" in a generic sense. It refers to anyone with whom we might share a connection, who temporarily comes into our lives in order to teach us important lessons. Some soulmates, within this definition, are romantic partners; some are not. But there is one who will eventually not be able to leave you... your Twin Soul.

• "We do have an ultimate one whom we may, or may not, find in this lifetime... there are several soulmate connections on our way to ultimate happiness. Some will come and go; and some will come and go, and then, [when running is done, he will] return... ultimately, one will stay... the only connection that time never dulls, and we never quite get over, is the Soul Twin."

Bee Gees, For Whom The Bell Tolls "... and I'm missing you more, than the fire that will roar, there's a hole in my soul"

• "How do we know where we are on the journey, how do we know, Is this the one? The answer is that we will not know [for sure, but]... the main and undeniable difference between a soulmate and a twin soul is that once you have met a twin soul, being apart is the most difficult and painful experience of our lives, and we just don't get over it."

In this world, unless we have finely-attuned abilities such as Norma, we will not have absolute assurance that one with whom we feel closely and romantically linked is our Ultimate Soulmate.

However, the main indicator of her identity is longevity of connection... she is the one, the only one, "the only connection that time never dulls"; she is the one "we never quite get over."

• So, if you have loved someone - maybe, despite your own protests, despite your speeches to the contrary - if you have loved her, have been thinking about her, for 10 years... for 30 years... for 50 years... then, you might be in receipt of a small clue, just a hint, don't get excited yet, just a wild guess, I know you runners need more time, but... she just might be Special to you [smile].

Linda Ronstadt, Dedicated To The One I Love "...while I'm far away away from you, My Baby, I know it's hard for you, My Baby, because it's hard for me, My Baby, and the darkest hour is just before the dawn"

Editor's note: For further discussion of this "darkest hour just before the dawn," see below.

Look at it this way.

If you have found her, if you are aware of her - even if you can't be with her right now - it is a mark of growing spiritual maturity, of a higher consciousness, just to be able to see her. And that's what Madam Destiny really wants for you; even more than your coming together... she wants that better vision for you, that Expanded Consciousness.

• William Gilbert: "Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest: Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers: Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest, And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers!"

Take heart in that - that's the hard part - because if you are aware, once you have that, everything else - including her presence - in due time, will naturally present itself, will configure itself, into its proper arrangement! You are on track to be with her, at the right time!

• "The depth of [our perception of] soulmate connection varies depending on where we are on our soul path [of enlightenment] throughout our spiritual life... there is a process to go through until you can unite with your partner. It's complex and doesn't make much sense on a conventional level, but it has to happen this way because destiny is at work here... this journey is a deep, internal, solitary one."

The process... a solitary one!

Steve Gunn's research and wisdom offer us considerable insight into the mystical ways of soulmate love.

But let us return to the central question under review.

How shall we find cosmic meaning during that time of absence from a soulmate lover... from her!

The Grassroots, Bella Linda It's so hard for me to say The things I really feel If I could, I'd chase away The pain your eyes reveal, ... foolish things I've done, The times that I let you down...

What is the process that Two need to go through before they can be together? Steve warns us that before the joy of union, an extended period of aloneness is required... a time of introspection... a journey that is "deep, internal, solitary"!

The Greatest Misery... revisited

There is a misery beyond that of the concentration camp...

I am uncomfortable correcting Dr. Adler, but... there is a misery beyond even that of the loss of a soulmate lover... how could True Love's loss merely be penultimate? what could possibly be worse?

Don't you recall? ... Emily told us about it (P.S. #25).

• Eckhart Tolle: "[Relationships] do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you"

What Emily Saw

The absolute ultimate in horrors... it is the pain so utter!

Consider Emily's profound insights once more:

There is a pain — so utter —
It swallows Being up —
Then covers the Abyss with Trance —
So Memory can step
Around — across — upon it —
As one within a Swoon —
Goes steady — where an open eye —
Would drop Him — Bone by Bone.

How do we know that it is a pain so utter... the absolute height of terror? the greatest of miseries?

We know this because this pain so utter... swallows Being up!

• The pain and misery of the threat (as we cannot, in reality, suffer the loss of our True Selves) of losing one's Being is so great that it can cause one to reject the Personification of All Joy... one's Cosmic Lover... if we reject her - which is common - in favor of protecting one's Self, we can know that we are dealing with the very greatest of all pain and misery, one that supersedes even the loss of her!

Maybe this will help us understand.

Earlier, we have discussed the question, why do soulmates not recognize each other? How is it possible for him not to feel, and be overwhelmed by, the waves of harmonic energy issuing from her soul, directed specifically and only to him? How is that possible?

It happens, as Emily explains, via the self-blindness; the defense mechanisms we employ to protect ourselves from the pain of our perceptions of unlove.

In other words, there is a misery more profound, more compelling, than even losing her... that misery is the threat of losing one's own Being!

It is why, as Emily says, we cover the Abyss with Trance; or, as Steve puts it, it is why "runners run."

The issue is self-love

We are getting very close to the heart of The Mystery here.

We have discussed the potency of Soulmate, Myself... how the sense of transcendent familiarity... the sense of "she is just like me"... the sense of "one person"... with her... trumps all; even, the allurements of The Jello-Girl.

Lurking within these mystical concepts of "I just want you because you're just like me" resides the essential core of healthy self-love.

Petula Clark, You're The One "You're the one that I long to kiss, Baby, you're the one that I really miss, You're the one that I'm dreaming of, Baby, you're the one that I love ... I just can't forget you, I love you more each day"

• "There is a second [great commandment] ... Love others as well as you love yourself." Matthew 22: 38, 39, The Message

We cannot love others... including her... until we learn to love ourselves as well. Without self-love, we have no internal reference point from which to reach out to another... even her!

And this is the real reason why "runners run"! And this is the real reason for blindness, why it is common to cover the Abyss with Trance; it is our own self-loathing, our own sense of "The Bad Self," leading to "The Bad Other," which derails the entire process! (P.S. #23)

• Dr. John Welwood: "One of the great secrets of men … is that we are afraid of women. It takes great courage and strength for a man to meet a woman with an open heart and mind, to be receptive to what she has to teach."

And, in this darkness, this blindness, even if we were to catch a glimpse of that Only One, we would not be able to receive her... the mental demons of guilt, of fear, of self-loathing, will cause that "runner to run" ... far from his True Home!

Hermann Hesse: Iris

Hermann Hesse, like Emily, is one whose clarity of vision into the nature of Love and Life astounds me. In his book of Fairy Tales, a collection of wisdom-stories, he offers the fictional account of a young boy, Anselm, playing in his mother's garden.

Like Alice standing before the mystical rabbit hole, enchanted, he peers into the opening-funnel of a beautiful iris flower... his Being seems irresistibly drawn to it... this portal-of-entry to a World of Wonder and Mystery.

But as he grows up, he spends less and less time in his mother's garden. He suffers the pain of unlove... one so utter... his Being is swallowed up, covered, with Trance... he no longer sees the flowers, or anything beautiful... in his darkness and fears, he is no longer drawn to The Mystery of Love and Life.

But then Anselm meets a wonderful girl. Her name is Iris. He falls in love.

Jim Croce, These Dreams "... maybe we were just too young to know... and sometimes at night I think I hear you callin' my name ... these dreams, they keep me goin' these days"

Hesse, of course, employs Iris as a parallel "portal-of-entry to The Mystery" to the one of his youth, the enchanted flower in his mother's garden.

She loves him, too... but, in her wisdom, she also knows that unless he addresses the demons of unlove haunting his spirit, he will not be able to receive her in any meaningful way!

Iris, having listened to Anselm's proposal of marriage, says to him: "I can live without flowers and also without music ... But, one thing I cannot and will not do without: I can never live so much as a single day in which the music in my heart is not dominant. If I am to live with a man, it must be one whose inner music harmonizes with mine, and his single desire must be that his own music be pure."

Daniel Edmondson, Iris In Glass (2008)

Hermann Hesse, Iris (1918)

Notice how she attempts to teach him about the self-love, which he has lost, now covered in Trance!

And she insists upon herself! The music in her own heart must be "dominant"! Unless her own music, her own self-love, fills her Being, she will have no reference point from which to love him!

And, conscious of her own musical soul-energy, the wonder and glory of her own soul, she knows that her True Lover will be one who will "harmonize" with her own music! She cannot change her essential Being in order to please him! That is not possible. If he is to be The One for her, he will, he must, be able to "harmonize" with her own inner Person!

And how shall he do this?

He must focus on his own internal music! He must come to know and be true to that music - his own soul-music, his own self-love; so much so that it must be his "single desire." In order for him to love her, he must become aware of his own Essential Core Essence!

"His own music must be pure!"

Let's make this very clear, in common language: If you fail to develop; if you harm and destroy yourself; you will be good to no one!

How beautiful and wise are the words of Hermann Hesse! I stand amazed, in awe, of the insight and wisdom of some advanced souls!

This portal-of-entry, this orchid, may be the second-most beautiful flower I've ever seen.

Portals-of-Entry... the rending of the heavens... the sealed windows of The Mystery begin to open...

I think that we can begin to see that there is much work to be done for Soulmate-Lovers who presently suffer the absence of the other.

They cannot come together until they discover the music of their own souls! And this music must become dominant within their Beings! And it must be pure! They must cast off the blindness of the Trance... and, in so doing, they must uncover, and rediscover, the love... including the self-love... issuing from their own souls.

Because without this, they will lack the capacity to receive each other! The sad truth is that even if he catches a glimpse of the Wonder of all that she is to him, his own sense of self-loathing will send him "running"... far from Home!

Jim Croce, Photographs and Memories  Photographs and memories... All that I have are these To remember you, Memories that come at night Take me to another time Back to a happier day... All the love you gave to me Somehow it just can’t be true That’s all I’ve left of you...

Eckhart Tolle: portals-of-entry...

The glory and beauty of our own souls become encased, petrified, within hardened layers of guilt, unlove, fear... all covered in Trance... how shall we break through this seemingly impermeable membrane?

I have already mentioned Eckhart Tolle's The Power Of Now. He, with unparalleled precision and clarity, explains how to pierce the thick veil of Trance.

Editor's note: This book... another good reason to get an iPod. I have about seven of Eckhart's books on mine. I hope you took seriously my earlier suggestion to review his work... my strongest recommendation... as my mother would say, "how many times do I have to tell you?" [smile]

I think "portals of entry" is my own term - I forget now - but Eckhart speaks of the insanity of the egoic mind; how it will protect itself at all costs; how it lives in the past, grumbling about it, casting itself as victim; or the future, fantasizing that all good lies there... unfortunately, while the future does hold good things, if we link our identities to the future, it will never come, as the future is always the future, never the Now... as Reagan said, "If not now, when?"

Eckhart explains how the ego resists the present, The Now, which is the only domain of Reality; the only place where, and when, we might negotiate and access Life as it is. And only in this Now, as opposed to the fantasy of some distant future, we can, if we so desire, cut short the incessant chattering of the self-centered egoic mind... and begin to see the Beauty of Life around us... The Mystery... see it more and more, as it will begin to suggest itself to us, but only in The Now... and these times of inner stillness, these flashes of vision, he says, might be brought about by quick glimpses of Beauty... all around us... a baby's smile... a sunset... a flower... the starry night... a helpless animal... a loving glance from one's Beloved... all these, and many more, serve as "portals-of-entry" to The Wonder, The Mystery of Life and Love.

• Editor's note: As I write these words, I sense my inability to do justice to Eckhart's superlative work. His writing, I think you will find, will be one of the most important books of your life. You must get his message directly from him.

Early portals-of-entry... discontinuities in the chattering... the stillness speaks... first glimpses of The Mystery...

If we have eyes to see, our lives and our world are filled with portals-of-entry... like a stun-gun that abruptly arrests activity, these momentary flashes of the inner Beauty of Reality stop us cold... the egoic chattering in the head, The Great False Self, for a second or two, ceases... and in that brief stillness, of what Tolle refers to as "no-mind," our True Timeless Being presents itself to ourselves... and we feel the Wonder... our eyes, ever so slightly, ever so briefly, open... and we see Heaven itself.

As evidence, I present to the court three photographs, some of my very earliest introductions to the portal-of-entry phenomenon.

(August, 1970) hey... Dad... be careful now... it starts harmless enough like this, but... next thing you know, you'll be staring at sunsets... where will this end? Editor's note: these beautiful twin holstein-angus calves are one hour old... and even hard-charging ND-Lion Dad (P.S. #8) takes a moment to consider The Wonder. I want to say something: In my articles, other than myself, Dad is the only one who I sometimes razz a bit; sometimes pointedly. He wants me to do that. You see, I saw him on his deathbed - another portal-of-entry for the rest of us - and, though he could hardly speak, I could see in his eyes, I deeply sensed his spirit, that he wanted to begin a new life; he had many regrets, but he would now, in a better way, live in the Light, and forever do what he could to promote The Good. Dad often comes through for me via Norma. But I don't need a psychic's report to tell me that Dad is different now. And I know that he wants to be part of any effort to promote positive things. And that's why I razz Dad at times... he asked me to do so, if it will help anyone to understand. Dad and I still work together... just like the old days... we just plow a bigger field today...

Olivia Newton-John  Beautiful Thing "For just a moment, Time stood still, And it feels like so long since I felt the sun on my face..."

Portal-of-entry: time-out from squabbling

(July, 1958) How do you like the rabbit cage with the tin roof? Pa built it for me - so great! We three ragamuffins appear to be refugees from a Ma-and-Pa-Kettle movie; actually, we make them look good. We each have a baby rabbit. There's my sister, age 5. Me in the middle. My cousin beside me. He and I are friends - but we also fight, and get into trouble with Dad. But this encounter with Nature's Handiwork slows us down, somewhat, not too much, though, but we are almost civilized for a moment. Editor's note: After high school graduation in 1969, I would visit my buddy, a thousand miles away, my first time out of ND. He would introduce me to Karen (see The Deceptiveness of Romantic Love).

Portal-of-entry: the Sweet Little Girl... falling down the rabbit hole...

(August, 1961) This pretty little girl is my cousin. I've not seen her in 40 years. She is holding a baby prairie rabbit. Clearly, she is taken by it. I remember this day. That, in itself, is odd to me. I remember virtually nothing of my tenth year, but I remember this day.

 

Editor's note: In law school I recall a professor speaking of certain customs of Old England, long before there were courthouses in which to register land-deeds. Parties to a real estate transaction, in an effort to record what had transpired, would take a young boy and, tragically, inflict violence upon him. Why? So that he, one who might live another 50 years, would always remember this day, and, in so doing, serve as witness to the business transaction! Quite barbaric... but... we do remember things if they are associated with something that arrests attention... and the fact that I remember this seemingly non-event day indicates to me that something was jarring my normal egoic thought!

 

I just razzed Dad for maybe peering at a sunset. The German work-ethic of those days included a dark element which demanded that all energy be consecrated to the goddess of labor... and if you did something stupid like appear to enjoy a sunset, a flower, or a bird in flight, someone would pretty soon come over to you and ask if you were crazy... and, mainly, to get back to work. That's true... yes, the inmates were running the asylum. So, at age 10, having been carefully tutored by these German workaholic-neurotics, as I take this photo of my cousin, I am thinking: "I have never seen you get so excited before about anything!" Well, actually... there were some impolite things, too, passing through my head: "You are being so silly over this little rabbit!" ... spoken like a true ninja ND Lion-in-training.

 

She was never part of that collective community darkness... and, she doesn't know it, but, I am being deeply affected by her display of Joy... the energy is palpable... She is so excited about this rabbit and wants to share the experience... I'm not sure, but, in my young life, I do not recall previously witnessing this kind of Profligate Bliss! it is unusual to me, and I am learning something new ... despite my impertinent, silent, critical review, my spirit, momentarily ignoring the ego's chatter, is now vibrating at a slightly higher frequency... the world somehow seems just a little brighter... to be sure, this insensitive little boy in farmboots is still arrogant, and will suffer such affliction for a long time, but, after this... a little less sure... there are now cracks in the Granite.

 

This sweet little one with an artist's heart would go on to take up permanent residence in The Mystery and The Wonder; incorrigibly, she, like the girl in Art Garfunkel's song, would insist upon living in a world with "her flowers and her birds." Decades later, having finally seen what she, long ago, saw, I would also share her appreciation for the beauties of Nature. Today I, too, as much as I can, live in that world; today, I, too, am an artist, and attempt to paint in words some of the deeper things of Life, that little as I am able to apprehend... it seems, now, I want to do little else... but, for me, it has been a very long road out of The Darkness... a journey that began, in significant measure, on this day, with my little cousin... sometimes, according to ancient wisdom, in rare cases, I am told, portals-of-entry might have freckles [smile].

Olivia Newton-John  Beautiful Thing "For just a moment, Time stood still, And it feels like so long since I felt the sun on my face... all I ever wanted seems so shallow, suddenly I see reality, and the picture's coming into focus, right in front of me..."

Editor's note: Just recently I discovered this song by Olivia - it is wonderful! I have listened to it many times.

Portals-of-entry... how they affect soulmate love

We have seen that so-called portals-of-entry, various triggering events which open our spirits, allow us to catch a glimpse of the Beauty of Life and Love.

How does this relate to soulmate love? Why not simply focus on one's Cosmic Lover? Surely she is sufficiently beautiful for all necessary purposes! Why bother with portals-of-entry?

And what does this have to do with finding meaning during a time of absence from that Soulmate Lover?

I think all of these questions will find satisfaction if we can answer another question.

What is it that we really love in a soulmate?

Let's approach much of the above discussion from a new perspective. What is it about her that is particularly compelling?

Her body? Well, it's never far from her lover's thoughts, but... there are many beautiful women in the world... it doesn't seem to be her body alone.

How about her personality? It may be sparkling, engaging, humorous... all these and other traits are wonderful... but, we all know that we can grow tired of being around even the most charming of individuals.

We could go on with this line of questioning and include talents, virtues, abilities... but we've already discounted the "debit-and-credits" argument. We know her essential attraction is more than a "perfect resume."

We might look beyond her outward form and say, "I love her soul." And this might be true. But what does it mean to love another's soul?

Does a perfect soul need soulmate love?

We have asked the question, What is it about her that is particularly compelling?

We seem to be sinking into a mire of questions, but... have you ever considered... why would a perfect soul need another?

In our previous discussions it has been acknowledged that each individual soul, made in the image of God, is complete, glorious, wonderful, an expression of God's own essence... we saw what Jesus said about the artesian spring... that if we drink of that water, we shall never thirst again; meaning, our own souls already possess a measure of fullness and completeness.

But, if this is so, why do we feel that we need and want... her? Why not simply look within ourselves and be filled with the perfect love that's already there?

And now you're thinking, since I've been impolite enough to disturb our equilibrium with such questions, I'd better have some answers...

Soulmate, Myself: what you want from her is not exactly what you think you want...

As I've already stated, there are no complete answers... that's a good thing, actually; this means that we can live in The Mystery and The Wonder forever... how terrible and boring to envision a time when we might have every last thing figured out!

But, I will give you what I presently see...

If receiving love from a soulmate, or any lover, were like enjoying a good meal, our sense of wholeness and completeness would be dependent upon an external source! But what would happen if we were to lose that source of bliss? Would we then be forever bereft of joy?

Linda Ronstadt, Crazy Arms "Now, blue ain't the word for the way that I feel, for the storm brewing in this heart of mine... You're someone else's love now, you're not mine..."

This quickly begins to make no sense. Because, as we've just stated, we're already complete within ourselves, and we need no external source of joy to prop us up!

That sounds logical... but is it true? especially, in terms of your One And Only?

Let's approach this problem by stating what we know, or think we know.

• We know that our own souls, made in the image of God, are already complete and whole.

I'm willing to agree with myself that this is a truism.

• We also know, we have learned, that our problem is one of blindness; an inability to access our own wonderful essential-core Beings.

I will concede this as well.

• The essential attraction between Cosmic Lovers might be characterized as Soulmate, Myself... an overwhelming sense of familiarity; of having "come home"; that she, to you, is your True Home.

I am slightly less certain about this third point - more research is required to confirm; but, even so, sufficiently sure to tentatively allow it - I'll go with it for now.

So, if we build a premise of our working hypothesis based upon these three points, where do we go from here?

Your Cosmic Lover... God's gift to you as Ultimate Portal-of-Entry!

Our souls are perfect... but we are blind... and she offers a transcendent familiarity...

I can see only one solution.

• She will help reveal to yourself the glory of your own soul!

• She, more than anyone else, because she is so much like you, serves as Mirror of your own soul; she, more than any other, reflects, back to you, your own Cosmic Wonder and Beauty!

That is who she is to you! That is her job!

Remember, we started our discussion with an assertion about the purpose of life and the purpose of soulmate love... we said that these are connected... and that you will help each other to achieve higher levels of awareness and consciousness!

And, within the immediate discussion, we have returned to this proposition.

What does this mean?

Here it gets a little murky, I think.

• I am tempted to say - a logical extension of all that we've just established - that the romantic thrill that one experiences with her is, in large measure, in fact, an accessing of one's own harmonic soul energy! She serves as portal-of-entry to the wonder of your own soul! She helps you to see something of yourself that you, alone, could not see!

I think this is partially true, but not the whole truth.

Yes, she does serve as portal-of-entry to your own soul... but she is more to you than mere avenue of access!

More than mere Doorway to your own Soul

• Things become murky here because of Soulmate, Myself. She is you in another form! Her own soul resonates with an harmonic energy-frequency that matches your own! If you Two were to manifest as Energy-Beings, without mortal form, as someday you will, it might be a little hard for others to differentiate! As such, it is likely, I think, that the romantic thrill of her presence is not solely an accessing of your own soul essence - it is that, but not solely - since she is a version of you, her own soul-energy contributes to the "Darling, you thrill me" sensation!

And I think all of this is part of The Mystery of becoming "one person" with her. The boundary lines can become a bit blurred... as you melt into each other's love.

• Erich Fromm: "When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete, like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost... incompleteness in absence."

I will leave this sub-topic for the moment. I hope to discuss this again. But let us now focus on the central question at hand: What is the cosmic meaning to be gained from separation from a soulmate lover. What is required of one during that lonely interim period?

Negotiating the Darkness: Personal Growth during that time of Absence from Her!

We have learned, from those who counsel grieving soulmates, that many who might be destined to be together one day are often presently kept apart by various circumstances in this troubled world.

As I study the cases in Steve's book, it strikes me that this time of painful separation occurs by design. There is purpose in it. It is a time of testing. This does not mean that two who love each other could never see each other; but, in most cases, they cannot now live life together... not yet.

What is the "uncompleted homework" that needs to be finished before they can come together?

• Cher: "Sooner or later, we all sleep alone."

Allow me to interject here that this entire process of romantic soulmate-love is a very natural process... as are all processes directed by the Universe... all unfold and develop according to natural law... remember, just as the proton and neutron come together.

What does this mean?

It means that there is no severe judge on a throne somewhere who arbitrarily decides who can be together and who cannot; there is no external governing authority that is keeping you from her!

The truth is... you! are keeping you from her!

No one else. And when the two of you are ready - plus the satisfaction of, maybe, a few other details in this world - you will be together.

Think about what Steve said about why two lovers are apart. One of the major reasons, he said, is that "runners run"! This phrase refers to all that which Dr. John Welwood spoke of in terms of "The Bad Self" and "The Bad Other," which we have discussed (P.S. #23).

It is these issues of self-love, the lack of it, that not only keep soulmate lovers apart, but retard personal soul growth - on every level of Being!

Floyd Cramer, Rhythm of The Rain Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, Telling me just what a fool I’ve been... the only girl I’ve ever loved has gone away...

Therefore, the time of painful separation, from her, is meant to be a time during which one must plumb the depths of self-love, maybe, to a degree that has never been reached before.

• It is a time, as Hermann Hesse's Iris asserted, of determining that one's music will be pure! and that this goal must be singularly important to one!

It will not be a picnic. We already know this because being away from her is already not a picnic. But the pain that must be experienced derives from more than mere separation. During this time of absence one must endure "the long dark night of the soul."

These things are difficult. But, as Dr. Frankl advised us, worth it - to be with her - even if one were required to endure much more!

The Perfect Storm of Ultimate Human Suffering... the long dark night of the soul... making your music pure... digging deeper, deflecting the ego's chatter... insisting on yourself... finding the sun behind the clouds...

Olivia Newton-John  Beautiful Thing "For just a moment, Time stood still, And it feels like so long since I felt the sun on my face..."

Norma says that I analyze things to death, that I do this with everything, that it is my nature to do so...

Well, you know... I try to be a nice guy, and this is what I get... well, just for that sweet little outburst, I'm gonna explain to you something of what you will need to do during that interim time of absence from her.

I have stated that finding our connectedness with God, with everyone - "All this is that!" - finding our connectedness with her, that sense of "one person," that sense of unity with her, which is the enlivening power behind the feelings of romantic love... all this is dependent upon one finding oneself first!

It is an old phrase... finding oneself. What does it mean?

It means that behind the facade of the conditioned persona; behind The Great False Self; behind the layers of egoic-inspired self-images of guilt, of fear, of self-loathing... behind all of this cloud cover... lies the Sun... lies the Promised Land... it is the Vast and Strange Far Country... of your own Soul... the Glory and Wonder of your own Soul... the True Person, the one you really are!

Truly, as Olivia sings, "it feels like so long since I felt the sun on my face" - the Ego, The Great False Self, as it struggles to survive, carefully keeps our true identity hidden from us.

• But it is the uncovering of this True Identity - and only this - that shall allow us to see and to receive and to remain... with her!

Journey to the center of The Mystery

And how shall we dig deeper, beyond the reaches of The Ego, to the epicenter of Life itself, to our Essential Core Being?

The practical, moment-to-moment, ways to accomplish this cannot be explained in this short article... Eckhart Tolle spends an entire book, The Power of Now, offering such instruction... I urge you to accept this information directly from him.

Even so, I will say a few things about this.

Every time we stumble across and witness one those portals-of-entry to The Mystery... a baby's smile, a puppy's big brown eyes, a stunningly beautiful orchid, a magenta sunset, the full moon and the starry night, the sparkling eyes and tone of cooing delight of your lover, twin calves standing upright for the first time, a sweet and joyous little girl enraptured by the magic of a baby rabbit... all these, and countless more; truly, life itself... Every time one of these portals-of-entry accosts us...

Jim Croce, Recently ...recently I’ve been lettin’ your mem'ry get to me, used to be that I could pretend that I wasn’t really hurt back then... and I’m findin’ that I’m not as strong as I thought that I used to be, ‘cause recently it seems I’ve been lettin' your mem’ry get to me

... egoic thought is arrested. Momentarily, the chatter-in-the-head stops... and when it stops, we sense something grander invading us... rising to the surface... something in the background, now coming closer... out of Time and into our Timeless awareness... momentarily, the cloud cover begins to lift... and we catch a glimpse of the Beauty of our own Soul.

Tolle teaches us how to make this metaphysical experience the norm, a purposefully-accessed one, not an accidental discovery.

Making your music pure

You must find yourself... clearly see yourself... this True Self that you are... because it is this Authentic Self that shall become "one person" with her.

• Editor's note: Never, ever "play a role" with her; never, ever present yourself as the kind of person you think she will be attracted to. Always be yourself, your True Self. She is looking for you, not a massaged version of you. The little things that specifically define you are the very things that she will crave and seek for. Always be authentic. Many lovers fear that they will lose a partner if they reveal their true selves... this is immaturity. Instead, you must dig deeper, and love yourself first; you must make your music pure first... and then you must see and discover who is attracted to that music, which is uniquely you. Instead of assuming a role and trying to convince a lover to stay... you must take the opposite approach... you must think and say, "Dear Friend, if you are able to escape me, then please do so; if you are able to resist the True Person who I am, then you must do that. Don't you do one thing just to please me... if you are not pleasing yourself, if you do not feel what I feel ... then that means that I have been mistaken, and I have needlessly troubled you in my immaturity; and it means that whatever good things I saw in you - and they were many - were merely symbols of what I am looking for, symbols to be realized in that True Person, for me, who is yet to come... So, Dear Friend, I will help you to leave, with no hard feelings between us... But if you cannot escape me, if you cannot leave, if you cannot resist; then, Dear Friend, please stay... and love me."

Digging deeper, sorting through the mental garbage of the Ego; seeing, more and more, all of the defense mechanisms and mental games of Emily's Trance, is a most painful nightmare process. There's a reason why we have covered that Abyss!

• Kelly W. Pavese: "...a regret that consumes your very soul, so much so that your emotions become numb to the pain. I don't think there is a more barren, panicky feeling than that of the realization that it is too late to 'live in the moment'; unable to repair what was broken, or to find what was lost..."

Mystics call this time of painful and terrible introspection "the long dark night of the soul"! It is the most difficult thing that any soul can ever do! And you will weep. Often. At times, bitterly. Becoming totally honest with oneself is a frightening endeavor! To finally see what the Ego has made of us; to finally see the distortion; to see, up close - finally, up close - the many self-centered ways, the games, the False Identities, the Masks of Unlove, is frightening and terrible. The Greek word, persona, itself, means mask ... and to lift the Mask is to travel into a nightmare illusionary world of what we have become... cut off from our own Beautiful Souls!

• But if you stay with this painful and sorrowful process... you will begin, finally, to feel the sun on your face...

Olivia Newton-John  Beautiful Thing "For just a moment, Time stood still, And it feels like so long since I felt the sun on my face..."

And now, finally, with vision, you will begin to understand, and see... everything...

• “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7: 3-5, New Living Translation

Earlier, I lampooned my friend who spoke of "it's not about all that lovey-dovey stuff!" And while her own bitterness blinded her to some things, we must also award her a few more technical points. Because before we reach a level of spiritual maturity that will allow us to see, receive, and remain with a Soulmate Lover, we will have survived the fiery furnace of soul-music purification.

My friends, take heart... you only have to do this once in your eternal existence!

I have learned from credible Spiritual Masters on the Other Side, teachers such as Silver Birch, that once we have sufficiently grown in awareness and consciousness - once we begin to truly see - the worst is behind us! And we never have to go there again... not like the first time! For the next million years, we shall always be gaining more and more perspective... but once we cross that line of critical mass of adequate insight, we shall be able to continue that journey, but now with better accommodations... with her! ... she's such a pleasant travelling companion... [smile].

Soulmate, Myself: rending the heavens... destroying worlds... stars, reeling in the wake... planets, fleeing... black holes, disgorged... shock-waves of pan-galactic convulsive upheaval... rupturing the very fabric of space-time...

I have read the reports. Those on the Other Side, who live on, or near, the highest levels of Spiritual Awareness, engage in activities that can be described as nothing short of godlike... they manage galaxies... are aware of every life form within that domain... every thought, every action... aware of it all, instantaneously... and command Absolute Power at their fingertips!

What would it be like to have, as a permanent, settled state of mind, a self-concept of Perfect Dignity, of Perfect Self-Respect... what if you had so much faith, so much trust, in yourself, that if you decided to do something - even if the project might take 1000 years to complete, or 10,000 - you would have absolutely no doubt, regarding either your ability, or your resolve, to carry it out to successful completion!

"If my wife goes to the bazaar without my permission, I will kill her. This is our culture."

 Abdul Qayum, Chief Prosecutor, Nangarhar Province, Afghanistan

Editor's note: You will remember this poor 16 year-old girl, the one with the bruise above her eye... and some other unspeakable atrocities inflicted upon her. Some projects will take a thousand years to accomplish. I think of her often. I intend to help her.

These Exalted Ones were, a long time ago, poor mortal schmucks and schlepps, mere typical ones in the mass of humanity.

But, you see, they had this little thing that they were once given... a little something called a Soul, made in the image of God... maybe you've heard of it... you know, that little thing that The Lying Teacher (P.S. #21) says, especially to little children, is indelibly tainted with "original sin"; that you are intrinsically defective; fundamentally, a schlepp no-good; essentially, forever dependent, in this world and the next, upon the Tithe Collectors...

sigh!

Part of "the long dark night of the soul" will require of you a willingness to follow the truth wherever it leads; and you will finally cast away, as rubbish, much of the instruction once received from The Lying Teacher ... probably 95% or more of all that you have been taught since you were a pup, when you were bouncing on your dear grandmother's knee... who, by the way, is also waiting for you to wake up, as she seeks to make amends for her own delusions back then.

The August Watchers of the Universe derive their power from the same source given to you... that image of God within... the only difference between you and them is one of Awareness! ability to access!

• Your "dark night" is designed to not only help you find her, but your True Self.

• Every time you make the decision to follow the truth, to finally investigate all the things that you don't wanna know, you are taking one more step... back to her! and to Yourself! you are increasing your capacity to see, to receive, and to remain... with her! and yourself!

You must enter that nightmare "dark night," primarily, for yourself... your own increasing sense of self-respect must command it of you... and yet, and yet... like Frankl, ever holding the image of his Beloved close to his heart, amidst the rifle-butt blows to the head... you must also do this... for her! ... because she waits for you, too!

Linda Ronstadt, Love Has No Pride "I'd give anything to see you again"

Editor's note: But, to effect this meeting... would you go through "the long dark night of the soul" for him?

The Height of Eroticism:

Do Not Do Your ******* Duty

A long time ago, I read an interview with Richard Burton. He was asked to describe, in his opinion, what constituted the most erotic female allurement. All of the usual pleasantries - the good looks, the personality, all that, he would concede, is wonderful - but, then he explained that none of this fundamentally really cuts it.

He began to say things like, "In love-making, I don't want her to do her ******* damn duty for me! I want her as an equal! I want her to make love to me, too. I want her to laugh with me... as an equal; indeed, laughing together is the height of eroticism!"

• Editor's note: Elizabeth Taylor, interviewed by Larry King, related how she had died on the operating table and had passed through a tunnel towards a brilliant white light. Taylor said that while clinically dead, she had encountered the spirit of Michael Todd (her third husband who was killed in a 1958 plane crash), whom she referred to as her "great love." She had wanted to stay with Michael, she said, but he told her that she had work ahead of her, and he "pushed me back to my life ... for a long time I didn’t talk about it, and it’s still hard for me to talk about... I am not afraid of death, because I have been there." The fame of this world pulls no weight on the Other Side. I suspect that Elizabeth couldn't care less about that. I think she just wants Michael. You may not be a powerful or a well-known person, but you, also, somewhere in the universe, have someone who loves you... and is in love with you... and has always been... and he grieves for you... and is tempted, every day, to curse himself, for his once-blindness; for ever allowing you to leave his life...

He is speaking of Soulmate, Myself! ... two Equals loving each other...

There can be no unequal, fawning, hero-worship among True Lovers; there can be no subservient, doing-of-your-damn-duty; there can be no servile, "I'll do anything as long as you don't leave me," attitude.

Only Soulmate, Myself will do!

When you go through your "dark night of the soul," and come out the other side, the energy of your own now-heightened sense of self-worth, will crackle, ripple, and blast from your soul! Your music will have been purified. You will know who you are. And you will love yourself... which means, that you are now ready to love others... including that Special Other.

Longing eyes ... but not needy

A very fine distinction... very subtle... but so important... she will long for you, with not just her heart, but with her very Core Being... she will long for that One Person whom she is so much like... she misses you as the proverbial heavens would miss the stars; she misses you as she would miss her own Self... but such fervent and intense longing will not be tainted with the base alloy of neurotic need!

And when Two Mature Ones, such as this, come together... voluntarily come together, without neurotic need, without neurotic compulsion to become whole through someone else... when Two such as this, Two Equals, ones who deeply know, and are in touch with, their own essential Core Beings, interact... the energy unleashed by such meeting - which is the energy sustaining the very Universe - will evoke and call forth levels of erotic passion presently unknown to us.

Jesus' Artesian Well contains more than water...

The high-level radioactive emission from such erotic love - a love based upon a clear perception of one's own sacred dignity - uncontrolled, unleashed, might rend the heavens... destroy worlds... stars, reel in the wake... planets, flee... black holes, disgorged... shock-waves of pan-galactic convulsive upheaval... rupturing the very fabric of space-time, itself... such might be the energy released in the soul-fusion of Two, now forged as One Person... each of whom individually, independently, has discovered True Self... such awakening love results in a Cosmic Romantic Cataclysm...

All of this plutonium-grade energy might be released, even from one of those coy, knowing looks of hers... as she, with sparkling eyes, stifling a laugh... now with both of you, finally, At Home... playfully engages you...

"I've been waiting for you, Dear... what kept you?"

... as she comes near... now, her delicate hands, lightly touching your shoulders... unable, unwilling, any longer, to hide her Joy, finally now in your presence... with a note of cooing soul-longing, rising, in her voice... transfixed, by your eyes... but, with gentle mock severity, pretends to scold... before she passionately kisses you... and whispers...

"Darling, do try to keep up from now on, won't you?"

[smile]

• if you are willing... a phrase from "Prayer To Soulmate Unseen," employed in reference to a once-rejected, but now cherished, soulmate lover... if you are willing... we shall speak of these things again...

Editor's final note: On Friday, June 26, 2009, about 10 AM EST, Anita and I were traveling north on I-71, about 100 miles from Cleveland, on our way to see Anita's 92 year-old mother in a Toronto nursing home. I was adjusting my seatbelt; Anita mistakenly thought I needed help with the steering wheel. Things can happen quickly. Before I could say anything, in her attempt to steady the wheel, she, for reasons unknown even to her, pulled on the wheel, causing the car to lurch to the right... at freeway cruising speed, I now saw myself on course to intersect the overpass concrete-pillar, looming menacingly, only 2 seconds away... the car jerked and careened, back and forth, as I attempted to right it... it felt like we would, in the next moment, flip over... it turned out ok... funny thing, in that nano-second, I thought we might be killed; but, I also noted within myself... I wasn't afraid of dying...

Enrique Iglesias,  Addicted "I'm not afraid of dying... but, I am afraid of losing you..."

And I was thinking of this incident in reference to the many soulmate accounts in Steve's book... allow me to leave you with this thought... it may apply to some... some of you know who your soulmate is... she is aware of you... you are aware of her... but life will not allow you to be together... not yet... you might not even be able to meet... but, allow my brush with death to be a reminder... if you can, tell him that you love him... tell him the only words that he wants to hear in this life... you might not be able to do this directly... do it indirectly... find a way... you have no guarantee that he will be here 2 seconds from now...

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