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Personal Statement #19 Things You Don't Wanna Know: Part 1 A Case of Mistaken Identity
April 4, 2009
I have a story for you. About a week ago, my 90 year-old friend Della (P.S. #9) shared with me a remarkable incident.
Robert and Martha Robert was a new tenant in the apartment complex where Della lived. He was a handsome fellow, somewhere near age 70. Della explained that many of the resident ladies, even ones 15 and 20 years his senior, went a bit ga-ga over him. A certain one, in particular -let's call her Martha - couldn't stand it any longer and simply marched up to Robert and frankly asked him, "Will you be my friend?" By this, in her heart, she meant, "boyfriend." But Robert, taking her words somewhat innocently, at face value, in his good natured way, immediately responded, "Of course, I will be your friend." Della now recounts what happened next. Martha takes all of this quite seriously. When Robert is in the lounge playing cards with his buddies, she stays close by, hovers, to make sure he is ok and not straying from her orbit. And when another lady might interact with Robert, Martha immediately charges to the scene, investigates the nature of this impropriety, and stands guard over her property. "Don't you understand," Della questions Robert, "that Martha thinks she owns you?" Robert calmly informs Della that he is quite aware of the situation, but does not want to hurt Martha's feelings. Some time passes. Martha, nearing age 90, is taken to a nursing home, as she requires supervised care; additionally, her health is failing, somewhat rapidly. Robert makes the journey to visit Martha - every day! for some months! Finally, one day Robert receives a call from the daughter of Martha. "Can you please come quickly? My mother is asking for you - she may not be with us very long!" Robert hurries and arrives in time to hold Martha's hand... and, during that small act of human kindness, Martha passes to the next life. Martha's daughter speaks to Robert: "Thank you so much for coming. Mom said that she refused to die... until you came!" A true story.
Things We Don't Wanna Know I was quite moved by Della's story of Robert. Who among us would deny that his selfless actions represent a high level of spiritual attainment? And I think that his story stirs many of us to wish that we might live that life of service... all the time. Because we intuitively sense that this kind of other-centered benevolence is what life is all about... this one, and the Next Life, too. In P.S.#14 I spoke of the cultured and erudite Elizabeth Fry, a highly advanced entity on the Other Side, who, along with a team of like-minded others, devotes her time to humanitarian efforts. I would encourage you to read her entire testimony there, but here is a brief excerpt:
Few words stir me as deeply as this vision of altruistically-minded effort to promote the common good of humankind. Elizabeth and her friends are powerful beings, yet, in the spirit of the apostle Paul, they make themselves servants of all. The adventures in which they engage themselves would rival and surpass any comicbook superhero action thriller... or think of Captain Picard's "away team" - it's sorta like that. But notice what Elizabeth says. Nothing is static. People can change when they want to change. And whether we linger on lower levels of existence, or desire to become something more, it's all a matter of a "state of mind, a state of awareness, a consciousness." So, what's holding us back from this higher level of awareness? Are there things that we don't wanna know? Why can't we live more like Robert? What is keeping us from Elizabeth's higher-level "state of mind, a state of awareness, a consciousness"? But here's the good news from Elizabeth: "...when a person begins to seek, begins to change in themselves, begins to desire things of a better order, so, automatically, gradually, they will find those things." When we finally decide to face the things we don't wanna know, we might be surprised at how quickly the fog can begin to lift.
A Story of A Good Little Boy These are some of my childhood friends and classmates, most of whom made our way together through 12 years of primary and secondary school. I am smiling - laughing, too - as I see my old friends; so many of them I've not visited with in 40 years. I'm smiling because when you see someone, most days, as we did for 12 years, there's not much to hide regarding oneself - ha, ha!
(April 5, 1959) exactly 50 years ago! (who moved my cheese?) First Communion Day at St. Philip's Church. Most of us were just completing 2nd grade.
There's "Junior" - a future state wrestling champ. I remember this lean and wiry young "Indian brave," watching him do 100 pushups and 100 situps... his idea of fun and a good time. Sadly, his family would lose this Dynamic Person to cancer at middle-age. I see Antonette. I considered her to be the smartest person in our class; in the whole school, maybe. I think she became valedictorian. But, what I really remember about Antonette is that, in the 12 years that I knew her, I cannot recall one negative word ever issuing from her. Such a fine person! It was an honor to have known her. And Debbie... this smart little girl does not want to be here right now, I assure you, but would rather be on her horse! She loved horses so much! I remember her, so many times, coming back from the library with this great stack of books, all horse stories! ha, ha. And all of her artwork, inevitably, would drift toward the likeness of a horse - ha, ha! We would kid her about this. What a good girl! And there's Charlotte. This sensitive and always-precocious heart, class artist and lover of music, standing with grace, poise, and presence of mind, is the only one here who knows how to hold her candle; such incipient reflection of intuitive good-sense would increasingly find broader avenue of expression. Later voted "most likely to succeed." How intelligent and put-together she appears, even at age eight! Hey, now! There's another kid, too, who catches my eye. Right in the middle of the pack of boys. I am standing very straight and tall, shoulders very squared; my short hair suggesting, and only adding to, a certain military bearing. I am not joking with my fellows. As you can see, this is all serious business to me, and I am holding my candle firmly - a little too firmly, with two hands - as a long-sword, it would appear, standing guard before the king. I think it is clear that I am reveling in, and have taken to myself, a certain righteousness. No doubt, I considered myself a good little boy; moreover, in this self-evaluation, I had assumed a certain identity.
Symbols of Identity A few weeks ago I was visiting with my son, Joey, who had recently returned from a deep-sea scuba-diving adventure in Florida. And I noticed on the windshield of his car a sticker depicting his diving certification. I was joking with him about this, and I goaded him with: "Do you know why you like having this diving decal posted here?" "I can't stop you from telling me, so go ahead." "It tells you who you are - it's a symbol of your new identity." Joey wasn't really expecting a serious answer from me... and, you know, it's not easy to impress your 28 year-old son... but I could see that my words resonated with him. "You're right... that's it, exactly."
(2007) old guy and young guy - I've decided that I will start being nice to Joey...
We, as human beings, like symbols of identity... we like things that tell us who we are... even when the symbols point to a less-than-complete identity, we still like it, as we find security and meaning in this. And we especially like those symbols that are easily measurable... quantifiable... much easier to keep score that way... and, don't forget, scores can tell us if our identities are better than the next guy's... no small benefit, you know, as some of us like to keep track of little details like that.
"Who are you... really?" This reminds me of a funny story that I must tell you. It's about my friend Emory Williams, whom I knew in college in England.
(1972) your favorite editor and Emory Williams
Just looking at Emory here makes me laugh, such a comical guy. One of Emory's favorite routines was a long joke-story about "the Winston Church" - ha, ha! - one person sends a note to another and speaks of the church, which is referred to as "W.C.," but erroneously taken to mean "water closet," or bathroom, by the other. This led to a whole series of misunderstandings, such as "packing a lunch and making a day of it at the W.C." - ha, ha! - Emory would have you going with that one. But anyway, at that time, it seems that many would confuse one of us for the other - I never thought the resemblance was that great, but that's what they said. I would poke at Emory with things like, "See, I'm the one with the good looks, you're the one with the money, that's how I tell us apart!" ha, ha, ha! - and, "Hey! you look like me, I don't look like you, got it?" In addition to this purported facial similarity, there was something else that muddied the waters of identification. I, at the time, was experimenting with stand-up comic performance, and would do my routines at various college functions...
(1972) Here I am doing an old Bob Newhart skit about finding a shell on the beach. I'm on the phone: "What's that Willard... you found a shell on the beach... you think that's unusual, do you, Willard... not that kinda shell, huh... stop crying, Willard! I'll help you defuse that thing... get a hold of yourself, if that thing goes off, I'm the one they're gonna wanna to talk to, you know..."
So, as both of us were known as comics, this only added to the confusion concerning identity. But, Emory saw a golden opportunity in this "mistaken identity" farce to further his brand of mischief. It seems that the only way some people could tell us apart was by an analysis of our smiles. Mine, they said, was a little more subdued and subtle, while Emory's was more full-bodied. Armed with this devilish information, Emory would sometimes purposely tone down his smile in order to "impersonate" me - ha, ha, ha! In so doing, as he would meet others, they would assume that they were speaking with me! But this assumption was not a fully confident one, as they would press him with, "Who are you... really?" But Emory would play along with this, and would offer insincere comfort, encouraging their false sense of having solved the identity mystery. And then, in the midst of their security, the issue settled for them, when all guard was down, Emory would slowly, gradually, allow a very big grin to creep over his face... throwing his audience into confusion! - ha, ha, ha! So funny! I finally had to utterly disown Emory - ha, ha, ha! - the day he went too far! It was the day, at a class party, on stage, he did his "rubber ducky" routine - ha, ha, ha! - there he is, in a bathtub, singing, "rubber ducky, you're the one, you make bathtime lots of fun, rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you... do, do, dah, do" - ha, ha, ha, ha! I can't take it. Let's see now, I think I did have a point in all this... oh, yes, mistaken identity... ha, ha, ha!
A Case of Mistaken Identity Consider some of the many ways in which we fashion for ourselves an identity. About 20 years ago, we were visiting some friends, a young couple. Dawn, a petite and spirited redhead, announced to us that she had decided to enter college to become a nurse. This was a great idea, I thought, as they needed a financial boost. But, as we discussed these things, something occurred to me, and, feeling that I knew her well enough to be frank, I offered this: "Dawn, you might not realize this now, but, when you become an educated person, as college will do for you, and as you improve your status in life, you will likely lose most of your current circle of friends; to be sure, you will gain new ones, but your life, social, and otherwise, will be undergo radical change." Dawn, of course, was taken aback by my prognostication, and pressed me for my reasoning regarding this. I told her: "Right now, you are 'little Dawn' in the eyes of many that you know. Quite harmless. But soon you will, of sorts, become a woman of the world, with a measure of financial and intellectual basis. You will find that some, not all, of your current friends will find this 'new you' to be very threatening to them. Your ambition to improve yourself will become a walking billboard to some, a message to their sense of diminished self-worth, that they have not been as diligent as you in terms of self-development." Dawn neither agreed nor disagreed with me, but took my words under advisement. I do not recall the exact chronology of events now, but not long after this, probably a few years, as she finished her classes, her husband divorced her! moreover, her in-laws, too, supporting him, viewed her as the greatest jezebel! and became her intense enemies! ... such a threat did she become to their sense of malformed identity. She, I believe, in their eyes, was to dutifully remain "barefoot and pregnant," a non-entity... just as they saw themselves... and who was she, this snippy and uppity little redhead to flaunt herself in the world!
Editor's note: See an extremely funny caricature of this pride-and-prejudice dynamic on the Carol Burnett Show, season 7, episode 23, "The Family" - 3/16/1974 - Eunice (Carol), her husband Ed (Harvey), and Mama (Vicki) don't appreciate the accomplishments of Eunice's brother, Nobel Prize-winning writer Philip (Roddy McDowell): "You gonna stick with this writin' thing? It really isn't steady now, is it?" ... "Shall I send you a copy of my new book, Mama? ... Nah, I got so many books now, I don't know what to do with 'em!" ha, ha, ha! I saw this episode a long time ago, and have not forgotten it... ha, ha, ha!
Here's another example of "mistaken identity" that I would like to share with you. Sometimes, young mothers can love their little children too much. They can fall into the trap of seeing themselves as "a mother of needy little children" - it gives one satisfaction, and self-worth, to be desperately needed by another human being. My mother, for a time, fell into this narrow and exclusive way of thinking. She did an excellent job in my early formative years. But when I began to grow, and did not need her as much, she was not immediately able to handle what she counted as a form of rejection. My mother is a good person, and what happened to her has happened, to various degrees, to millions of other Moms. We have a good relationship today, but all of this only serves to educate us regarding the debilitating effect of "the mistaken identity"! Maybe the most classic, the most common, example of "mistaken identity" is to be found within what I call neurotic romantic relationships. Some years ago, I wrote an article entitled, Do Opposites Attract?, wherein I discuss a certain pathology of thought. Allow me to quote your favorite writer:
You know, it hurts even to read of such things, as we can feel the oppression... of her... and her feeble sense of self-worth. He, too, has our pity, also a victim of this grand diseased dance... he, too, feels lousy about himself... that's why he needs somebody to lord-it-over, a kind of narcotic, as he seeks external means to prop up a debilitated identity! About 10 years ago, when Sara was in high school, we were discussing school friends. I mentioned to her that most of us find that it's not easy to keep in touch with chums of the past; in fact, as I shared with her, some of her current "best friends" would soon not want to be friends. Sara, as so many of us, could not imagine this to be the case. But today she laments that a very good friend of that time now treats her as an enemy. I explained the psychology to her. This old friend had made some poor life-choices and, no doubt, was feeling guilty about this. She probably imagined Sara to be judging her harshly for her indiscretions; as such, in her own self-loathing, her own guilt-ridden personal identity, she had rejected Sara - before Sara could reject her! I have experienced this very same phenomenon with some of my own old classmates - a similar situation, with similar results for me! I spoke of my sometimes-suicidal friend Doreen in P.S.#14. She suffers from an extreme case of diminished personal identity, extreme self-loathing. This plays out, contrary to our best advice for her, in terms of her surrounding herself with those who abuse her - sexually, socially, financially, and in business! She does this because she believes, in her heart of hearts, that she deserves nothing better! so beaten down is her own picture of herself! This perverse dynamic manifests itself in a contorted "positive" way, as well. Some people are "friends" in a sick way. They hang together, for mutual support, in their delusional view of life and the world. We all saw examples of this in high school, kids with the same problems, the same unwell personal identities, inseparable as "friends." We see it today, with those who frequent certain churches, certain political groups, and many other groups that seek for common goals. Earlier, I was talking about a little boy who was holding his candle like a sword, and how he had assumed an identity of "goodness." Of course, he was a good little boy. All little children are. All grown-up children are. But some of us do not picture ourselves as good. And even among those of us who do, we sometimes arrive at such conclusion, and self-evaluation, by questionable method. This little boy considered himself to be "good" because he had kept the rules, had done what he was told to do, followed the manual. But this definition of "goodness" is sadly inadequate - and will lead to manifold personality disorders over time. That intense look on his face tells me that there is trouble in paradise. He is not at ease. He's missing a certain joy. And his intensity of expression tells me that he can take nothing for granted with this God that he serves. This is no carefree and easy relationship. What would happen - his spirit begs the question - if he did not keep the rules? what if he messed up? he knows, quite well, as evidenced by his vigilant demeanor, that messing up would quickly negate his status of "good little boy"; as such, there is, for him, a sense of floating guilt that will never quite go away... not until he replaces the software. He is not alone. Virtually every little child brought up within this system will suffer psychological damage to his or her sense of self-worth. All of this is nothing less than a form of child abuse! And sometime I will tell you what advanced spiritual entities on the Other Side - people like Elizabeth Fry - have to say about this kind of malevolence. For now, I will just say... they are not impressed.
Identity Theft My religious teachers, either directly, or by implication, had led me to believe that: (1) If I had not been baptized, God could not really love me very much; and if I were to die is such state, I might, at best, be sent to "Limbo," a place where God, for eternity, would not lower himself to be with, and love, little boys for whom a few drops of water had not been sprinkled upon a forehead! (2) And now, because I had reached "the age of reason," they said, I was to be held to a higher standard; such that, if I, now, with malice aforethought, were to fail to present myself at mass each Sunday, for the rest of my life, God would construe this as a "mortal sin," the height of insolence toward Divinity; an action, on my part, for which, quite justly, God would not only withhold his love, but would consign me to roast in eternal fires of hell! (3) Communion - a word meaning "union with" - was to be sought at least once a month, consummated by the taking of a small holy wafer; preceded by such preparatory activity of Confession... the implied message of all of this - not lost upon any of us young ones, a loud and clear message - was that God does not love us enough to allow for open and direct communication with himself; instead, God must be approached by a "go-between," a priest, a member of ecclesiastical royalty... because God, the King, really doesn't mix with the commoners too much, you know how it is, a little too exalted for that... And in this farcical melodrama, that little boy is put in his Cosmic Place... a place of low standing... a place of unlove, of diminished love, of not being loved by God very much, if at all... a place of perpetual never quite measuring up. The definition of "goodness" in this kind of religious system, as I said, is "keeping the rules." And if you keep the rules, you are a good little boy... and if are lax regarding those rules, you become something less... but, in either case, God will not get his hands dirty with you directly; at best, if you are "good," he will tolerate you, from a distance... if you mess up, he will completely abandon you, for eternity, no less! And, of course, the ultimate put-down, the ultimate method to keep the commoners in line, is to tell them that they were utterly born in sin... that they started off in a filthy and corrupted state of being... that they are intrinsically no good... that God could never really love you, because you are too dirty... and these religious teachers, themselves victims of a dark system, worked hard at inculcating this kind of diseased personal identity into the deepest hearts of each of these beautiful little children, standing in the sunshine, that day in April, 50 years ago. Some of this stuff is hard to take. I haven't thought about these things for awhile. And I'm now reminded why I don't invite these memories in for tea-and-a-chat very often. Please allow me to be cynical for a moment.
My Purpose for Writing: revisited I have stated in P.S.#16 that, while I hope my essays might yet benefit a large audience, I write primarily for a small group; sometimes, one. These were they who once reached out to me, who loved me, in my time of darkness and dullness, a time when I could not respond to them. And, as I review the topic at hand, my thoughts move toward one of these whom I love; and, specifically, a conversation of ten years ago. She admitted then that she, at times, was burdened by a sense of guilt - for no specific reason, not having committed any untoward act; indeed, so far from such things, as I know her life, her excellent and tender spirit - but, these dark feelings are simply a result, an echo, of long-ago teaching by so-called Mother Church. This article is for you, my Dear - others can listen in, if they want to. In light of the foregoing discussion, I ask you to consider a series of questions - rhetorical ones, as I have already referred to the answers; but I would like you to consider all of this, in reference to your own sweet self. This is my wish for you, that you might cast off those heavy burdens, which, for so long, have weighed upon you; that you might begin to awaken, and dislodge yourself, regarding that inappropriate sense of personal identity once unjustly thrust upon you - one that does not fit you... you, Dear... especially, you... And, regarding this sense of guilt...
What I ask here, truly, applies to every human being - each one, made in the image of God, a Spark of God's own incorruptible Life. But, I must say to you, Dear... you, of all people... should never have been made to feel as you have felt... you, that person with such joy in her heart, such that, my spirit still vibrates, having been touched by your soul's essence, even so long ago... you, that person who surrounds herself with light and beauty and good things, as it is your nature, so to do... you, that person who is altruistically motivated, and seeks to serve... you, that person who is so wonderful...
Things We Don't Wanna Know Allow me to pose a question to everyone. Can you begin to guess why there are things that many people do not want to know? If you're saying, Some things are threatening to me, you get a silver star. If you're saying, Some things are threatening to my sense of identity, you get a gold star. But why should all of this make a difference?
Here's Why We Should Wanna Know The Things We Don't Wanna Know I have three reasons for you: Do it for (1) yourself; (2) the Love of your life; and (3) for everyone else.
I have presented to you the scientific evidence for the AfterLife (P.S.#3). Everyone, quite naturally, will, one day, go to the AfterLife, irrespective of one's religion, or lack of it. And the only way we advance ourselves there - here, too - is by our commitment to service, especially, toward the disadvantaged.
You don't get a "better deal" in the AfterLife if you're a Greek scholar; if you have written a book; if you have made yourself an expert in history; if you're a theologian; if you've plumbed the depths of mysteries... no, not for these things alone. Once you are in the Next World, in Summerland, you will find that it is much easier to gain knowledge, and to learn about new subjects; and things that you might have missed out on here will be quickly added to you. And yet... and yet... If, right now, you are given the opportunity to learn something, to improve your mind, to gain greater clarity of understanding... but refuse the opportunity... that is a problem. Can you guess why? It's a matter of heart and attitude, isn't it? Because if you are fearful and closed-minded now, you will be fearful and closed-minded when you get to the Other Side - there is no "instant makeover," no suddenly being jerked into a higher state of consciousness. And this kind of negligence can do nothing but impede your growth... no matter which dimension you currently inhabit. If we refuse to walk in the light, if we are avoiding certain subjects; ones that might prove us wrong; ones that might require us to change our opinions, or our lives; we can know that fear is influencing us too much... and it's hard to grow in love if our hearts are led by fear. And if we make a habit of turning away from the light, we develop a kind of callous to the truth... a hardening of the heart... and we might hinder and set back our own developmental growth 100 or 1000 years! And when you find out what you could have had in the meantime... you won't be happy!
Some of you are looking for your soulmates (see P.S.#7, 9, 13, 26, 28). You will never find that Cosmic Lover until you, yourself, begin to live in the light! Until you are willing to face your fears, in all arenas of life, you will never find her. Why? Because if you live in the dark - the fears resident in your own mind -you will miss, and be blinded to, so much... including her! I stated earlier ( About CharisCorp ) that you may currently be around your soulmate, but not be able to recognize her! or you might have been around her earlier in life, but rejected her! Rejected her! Well, aren't you a lovely fellow! Rejected your Cosmic One-And-Only Love Partner! Did you take lessons or are you just naturally gifted at this? How could something like that happen? If your soulmate knocks on the door of your life, how can you not recognize this Person with whom you share a magnetic soul-energy? Well... it takes a lotta skill... and a lotta farmboy hard work... but you can do it if you try. It's possible to short-circuit that sweet energy connection... if you block it with some negative energy.
Editor's note: "One more sunset, Baby..." We deceive ourselves when we think that we can be selectively virtuous. Some try to love this person, but hate that one; we sometimes imagine that we can be open and reasonable in one area, but think it ok to be pigheaded in another. But... all of life is of a piece. We cannot compartmentalize. And the injustice that we indulge in here, has a way of drifting to places important to us, over there. The real problem, in our darkness, is that we cannot tell what is important and what is not... as we often saw off the branch on which we sit. And when it comes to soulmates... someday, if you are so blessed, you might catch a vision of who she is; with this gift, you might also be granted another vision... of what you did that resulted in your separation from her... and when that happens, you will be tempted, every day, to curse yourself for every thought that you ever had that tended toward fear, darkness, and unwillingness to face the things that you didn't want to know! because each one of those fearful thoughts represented more time away from her... wasted time... leaving you wishing for "one more day... one more sunset, Baby."
Let's look at this more closely. In P.S.#13 I wrote of the David-Copperfield phenomenon, a case of soulmates who knew each other earlier in life. David had grown up with Agnes. But he was blind to who she was to him. She was not blind, and always knew who he was. Later in life, David wakes up and realizes what he had lost. He now sees that he had loved her all his life. Agnes says this too, but she had been fully conscious of this all along. How could David, in his youth, have been so blind? It likely happened this way, as an "identity" problem. Agnes matured somewhat faster than David. This would not have been a problem during primary school years. But things would change for them as adolescence approached. Agnes is beginning to think, and act, very much like a mature woman; but David, two steps behind, is still a kid. Agnes, at some point, her own sense of womanhood burgeoning, would have found a way - maybe directly, maybe subtly - to let David know that she cared for him. David, still that dull boy, would not have fully realized what Agnes was saying to him. This non-response from him would have been hurtful to her. David later would become an accomplished and sophisticated person, a man of the world; as such, we can know, by his soul-attachment to Agnes, in the natural reciprocity of love, that she must have been his equal. And, given her ahead-of-schedule maturing, we can presume that, in high school, she was a force to be reckoned with. No doubt, she moved in, and took over, with retinue in tow. Agnes, it is a good guess, would have been a leader in school, excelling at whatever she set her hand to. And it is at this point that David's immaturity might take a turn for the worse. He sees his childhood friend, now so grown up, so mature, so competent. Subliminally, he reasons that this Wonder Woman, now ahead of him, would surely, flatly reject him if he were to approach her. Pathologically, he therefore stands aloof from her; effectively, rejects her first, before she can reject him! He, in twisted self-defense, even convinces himself, for now, that he does not love her! This is sad stuff, my friends. But a common story. His own fears of her beauty, her competence, her maturity, her accomplishment, set against the background of his own temporary sense of inferiority, plunge him into a darkness of misperceived rejection. Of course, she has not rejected him - far from it - truth be known, she is waiting for him to... "Hey, guy, wake the hell up!" But his own sense of mistaken identity has derailed their love... for now. At the moment, he believes that he is not equal to her!
This David will yet recover himself... when he begins to live in the light, as he faces his fears - his primary one, as he sees Agnes pulling ahead of him, the great fear that he has lost her forever! But, in time, with his rising sense of self-respect, growing maturity, and increasingly healthy identity, he finds not only himself, but sees, clearly now, who the Love of his life has been, all along... well, whatd'yaknow ... it was that little girl! ... the one he once squabbled with! When the lights finally come on, he sees and finds her, along with everything else. We are glad for David. But when I say, "Do it for her," I also mean to say that we should not lose sight of Agnes. She loved him during that whole time. And, during that whole time, she suffered for him in his absence... a heartache-tragedy that could have been avoided if he had learned to face his fears much earlier. Do it for her, even more than for yourself.
Editor's note: What an incredibly beautiful and romantic phrase, "one Atlantis summer's night"! Your soulmate is waiting for you to wake up... wondering what it would take "to stir your soul ... to wake you from your deepest sleep" (Anne Murray); ever lamenting, " I never drew one response from you, All the while you fell all over girls you never knew ... Living in the memory of a love that never was... 'cause I've done everything I know to try and make you mine, And I think I'm gonna love you for a long long time..." (Linda Ronstadt).
You might recall that I opened this article with the story of Robert. I had a reason for doing that. Living a life of service, of the kind exhibited by Robert, and, especially, Elizabeth Fry and friends, requires a high level of spiritual awareness. Do you know how you can tell what your areas of "false identity" are? Think about your "hot buttons," the things that instantly make you mad. I submit to you that within those areas you will find lurking your personal distortions of self. I think, most of us, when we read about Robert, or Elizabeth, said to ourselves, "I wish I could be as selfless like that. I wish I could be so service-minded." We will yet achieve those heights of advanced spirituality. But, to do so, we will need to rid ourselves of certain baggage... certain false views of ourselves.
I keep this photo in my briefcase, one that brings me back to reality. This girl is 16 years-old. See the bruise above her eye? This wound is minor compared to other abuses she has suffered, at the hands of her "husband," who has cut off parts of her body. Her crime? She went to the food market... without his permission! ... only 16... she should be studying math and physics, art and music, thinking about the prom next year... There are hundreds of millions - in excess of a billion people on this planet who live under this kind of medieval darkness. Women, especially, are the victims. There are those, in this world, and, especially, the next - Elizabeth Fry and friends - who are constantly working to bring down, and end, this kind of oppression and atrocity. Success in this endeavor will not be easily won. It will take time. Maybe, the next 1000 years. We are dealing with human volition, human choice, the deluded human heart... all led and motivated by the most diseased forms of diminished self-concept and identity. Those who perpetrate such vileness, and those who allow it, operate under an internal distorted self-portrait - as did the afflicted Dorian Grey - one of abject self-loathing and personal guilt, all of which results in a giant reservoir of rage and anger, ready to lash out to all within reach, at the slightest provocation. But the "husband" who committed this evil is merely an extreme version of each of us! Because we, too, have our own areas of "touchiness," our "hot button" centers of anger... all supported by our own less-than-adequate personal identities. So, the question for us becomes, Do we want to be part of the solution... or part of the problem? Are we willing to let go of false self-portraits of ourselves? Are we willing to grow beyond the myths, the miseducation, the falsehoods, offered to us in our youths... often, by those who were closest to us... our parents, our religious teachers, our grandmothers... Are we willing to know the things that we don't wanna know? Do we want to take our place with people like Robert, and like Elizabeth, and consecrate our very beings and futures - from this day forward, on into the distant eternities - to a life of selfless service, that all might one day reach the heights of full development, of full humanity, of full expression of the soul, made in the image of God. All of this is a little different than merely agreeing to go to church once a week, in order to appease an angry god, isn't it? Elsewhere, I have already mentioned that your Grandmother, the one who swore on her white wedding Bible, that her teaching was true... was sadly mistaken about many things... She, in that Realm which is our Real Home, knows the truth now... and she's waiting for you... to catch up.
A True Identity For Us? As Elizabeth said, it's all a matter of a "state of mind, a state of awareness, a consciousness." It's all a matter, fundamentally, of how we see ourselves. So... "Who are you... really?" Emory had some good fun as he prompted this response. But it's a good question, isn't it? We have talked about the kinds of narrow personal identities that we need to give up, ones like:
All of these are diseased and mutant forms of personal identity. And if you try to cram yourself into the narrow confines of such restriction, your inner self will rebel, and send out messages - to you and everyone around you - of rage, frustration, guilt, touchiness, moodiness, judgmentalism... we could go on. But, "Who are you... really?" How should we see ourselves? It's like this: We are souls, spiritual entities, currently having a temporary mortal experience. We are souls, made in the image of God... souls, which are Sparks of Life... God's own Life. And because we possess God's own Life, there is a part of us - our Core Being, our Soul-Life - that is incorruptible... it is perfect, remains perfect, and will always be perfect... this is so because any part of God is incorruptible and is perfect. This incorruptible and perfect part of ourselves is like the sun in the sky - it's always there, shining, blazing with glory. And when the clouds cover the sun, the sun remains glorious, although hidden from our view. And when we adopt diseased personal identities, we cloud our own view of ourselves - but our essential incorruptible natures remain... always, above the clouds. Our souls, an expression of God's positive energy, are ambitious for growth. This energy within is a Most Positive Force. We were made to grow, to learn, to reach higher, to stretch... and we shall continue to grow, and to become something more, for all eternity. This means that we have no limits. There is no end to what we can become, do, know, possess, accomplish, love, seek, build, achieve... there is no end to our glory... this is our heritage as part of God's family... this is what it means to be a Soul, one possessing a Spark of God's own Life. And this is why all of those narrow views of ourselves... are so inappropriate... they just don't fit... how do you fit the expanding universe into a teacup? And so, you must think of yourself in this way: I am God's own son or daughter... And, like God, I have no limits. There is no end to what I can do or become. You cannot hang a label on me and say this is who I am... because I can grow beyond that definition anytime I want to. What is my identity? Who am I? I am a Spark of God's own Life. I am One Who Loves. I am open-ended, fluid, without limits, undefined, with total freedom to choose, in process of becoming more ... and shall ever be. I am one without any fixed identity, at all!
The Wonder of You I have told you many times (e.g. About CharisCorp ), and will continue to do so, in virtually all of my articles, that you are pretty neat. And I hope that this article helps you to believe that a little more. Because when that day of self-respect happens for all of us, we will wake up to find that all of our problems in this world will quite quickly evaporate. Things You Don't Wanna Know is a new sub-series of my Personal Statements. Allow this Part 1 to serve as introduction. And, from this beginning, we will move on to specific things that you don't wanna know. Take this as a warning. Consider carefully all I've said here. We will be exploring, and dismantling, ideas that you might currently hold to be sacred... but are quite unreal. If this were a matter of simple misinformation, I might not worry about it too much for you, because, when you get the Other Side, you could easily fill in those gaps. But, it's a little more complicated than that. Some of these bad ideas have a long reach - and they will bind you, and chain you, to strange and cancerous concepts of personal identity. And this will hurt you. And if you go to the Other Side with these bad ideas, they might continue to hurt you over there, possibly, for a very long time. Prepare to have these bad ideas blasted. Are you ready? To my astonishment, and, sometimes, dismay, in my long years of research, I came to see that most teachings of my youth - almost every one of them! - were, in fact, not the truth. It can be painful letting go of long-entrenched ideas, even bad ones. They're so familiar! Are you ready to go there? And I will explain how these falsehoods have been employed by unscrupulous others to manipulate and control the masses... that means you! Are you willing to look behind the curtain? Do you want to be part of the solution? I, myself, was trapped in certain bad theological ideas for decades. For so long, I could not break out of this paper bag... for so long. These bad ideas held me captive, ran my life... and not in a good way. If I can, I will attempt to unlock, and smash, the plantation gates, to set you free a little sooner. Do you want to be set free? I have learned that the majority does not! Eventually, every last one of us will let go of these bad ideas. Why not avoid the rush? You have a private tutor now. But, no one can be set free until one desires to be set free... ya gotta wanna... Do you want to prepare to serve humanity on Elizabeth's team? Are you willing, as Elizabeth said, to develop and expand your "state of mind," that "state of awareness, a consciousness"? Be brave... there are, in this world, so many 16 year-olds, with bruises on their foreheads, with certain missing extremities, who are desperately waiting for you... to wake up.
I should be careful if I were you... I could be Emory, you know...
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